I'm not someone who is in really in touch with my feelings but the longer I go without sexual contact I'm starting to realize it's not just about sex. Don't get me wrong, if my wife wanted to fuck right now I'd be naked before this laptop hit the floor. But it's really much more than that.

I miss the flirting

I miss the romance

I miss the passion

I miss the intimacy

I miss the naughtiness if that makes sense

I miss feeling desired

I miss my wife

and yes, I miss the orgasms.

It's come to the point where I see the dental hygenist more frequently than I see my wife naked. Does she look like she did 30 years ago? No, but I don't fucking care. I still think she's beautiful. She could still make me feel the butterflies if she wanted to. But that feeling just doesn't seem to be there for her anymore. She tells me she loves me daily, but I don't feel loved. It's like I traded a lover for a roommate. A great roommate to be sure, but the lack of spark coming from her is diminishing my own... is depression contagious? The meds and therapy are not working. She goes to work, comes home and gets high, then watches TV until bed. Rinse and repeat.

It's been bad since her dad died. Then her aunt passed. Then her mother became a fall down drunk after losing her husband and sister. Then our dog died. It's been one thing after another. I can't leave because she's sad. I feel selfish for even having needs but they exist nontheless. I now understand how affairs happen; not that anyone would be looking to hook up with this chubby old man who's closer to resembling Santa Claus with each year that passes. He's a jolly old elf so I assume Mrs. Claus still offers the occasion bj, but no such gift is ever left in my stocking. :-(

I'm so lonely despite her sitting just a few feet away.

Thank you for allowing me to vent.

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