The boys had spent an entire week in the valley, learning from the Mysticals and their alter egos, the Skeptiks. And hadn’t that been an odd surprise? Rather than being two separate species, as Sam had expected, the Mysticals and Skeptiks were actually one and the same. The whole species was so in tune with the thrumming Song of Thar that their very emotional state resonated with reality. When they felt positive emotions like joy, pride, amusement, they transformed into the gentle Mysticals. Negative emotions like fear, anger and disgust turned them into the hardened Skeptiks. Even more oddly, lust seemed to do nothing, hitting equally in either state.

All of which was par for the course for species in the Porn Galaxy the undaunted had found itself in. No, the part that was starting to really bother him was the fact that Oorwah had sort of taken a shine to him. Or Shalwar as she was called in her alternate form. Whether as a Skeptik or a Mystical, she was almost always hanging off the man. But, clingy space wizardess aside, the boys had learned a lot in the valley.

Jim had finally figured out how to infuse the music of his Mighty Axe with Axiom, a project that had dominated his waking hours ever since the Dauntless had emerged from Cruel Space. It wasn’t much, but he had learned to play Songs of Power, and in sparring sessions he could empower and embolden his friends and himself. The others had jokingly called him a DnD bard, but the description fit.

Tom had taken to Technomancy, the control of machines and the effects they contain. By copying the circuitry of his guitar, he had duplicated and refined the equipment into various technological gadgets that increased his combat lethality. He had crafted a pair of gauntlets that were covered in electronic components, a rarity on this rural world. While crude, he could briefly emit lasers, plasma pulses, gravity balls, and various other effects on the battlefield. However, he still had a lot of work to do, his understanding of electronics and technology was never very deep.

Andy and Sam were taking very similar paths, being that they were mostly introspective. Andy had focused on the mind, and had quickly learned to parallel process and increase the speed of thought. When not sparring or training, he was to be found deep in meditation.

Which was actually very similar to what Sam was doing, however where Andy focused on the mind, Sam was dedicated to the body. While he was no Titan Squad, he had managed to increase strength, speed, and reaction speed to a minor degree. while not quite superhuman, he was bordering very close. He also spent much of his time in meditation.

As it was, the Fab Foursome, tailed by their guide Oorwah, had set out from the valley to the capital city of the next race they were to meet. The Aeling were supposedly a diminutive race, prone to adventure and wandering. Divided into seven tribes, the Aeling were ruled by a singular monarch, known as the Allmagher, in whom was vested absolute power. Their mission was to meet with her, and convince the Aeling to stand with them against the coming horror.

And so we find our small band of heroes, trekking across the Great Plains of Myrax, on their way to Harral, to meet with the mighty monarch.

“Hey-ey oh cap’n Jack!”

“Jim, for the last time, I’m not singing.”

“Meet me down by the railroad tra-ack!”

“No!”

“Put that red rose in my ha-a-and!” The man grins at his friend, waggling his eyebrows in a lascivious manner. He is met with a grump of annoyance.

“I wanna be a fucking ma-an!”

“Groan!”

“A fucking man! The best I can! For Uncle Sam!”

Sam has been listening to this for hours. Terrible, terrible hours. He had heard them all at this point; teddy bear teddy bear turn around, the old repple depple, they say that in the Dauntless, all of the old marching cadences. Chants that haunted his nightmares. Chants from the Boot Camp from Hell.

“Jim, I’m begging you man. No more. Please?”

“Like, man, cmon. These are classics!”

“Yeah, from the worst two years of my life!”

“Alright alright! I’ll stop.. singing that one. Oooooh! He was just a rookie trooper and he surely shook with fright!”

“He checked all his equipment and made sure his shit was tight!” Andy replied.

“He had to sit and listen to those awful engines roar!” Tom belted out.

“You ain’t gonna jump no more!” All three joined in with a three part barbershop harmony.

“Glory, glory what a helluva way to die!”

“Die!”

“Glory, glory what a helluva way to die!”

“Die!”

“Glory, glory! What a hell of a way to die! And he ain’t gonna jump no more!”

Andy began a series of scatting “a-oot doot doot doot, a-oot doot doot doot” in his deep bass voice while Jim and Tom began the next verse.

“Is everybody happy cried the sergeant looking up?”

“Oor hero meekly answered yess and then they stood him oop.”

“He jumped right out into the blast, his static line unhooked!”

“And he ain’t gonna jump no more!”

“A-oot doot doot doot, a-oot doot doot doot.”

This went on for hours.

Sam endured the strange, macabre tale of a green paratrooper, and a failed parachute. He endured the graphic descriptions of the human body splatting on the ground at terminal velocity. He endured the goofy, slowly worsening song. For hours. Because they just. Kept. Singing it.

Finally, Sam snapped. He’d had enough. To quote the first ever comic book superhero, he’d had all he could stands, he carn’t stands nomore.

“Alright, alright! Fuckers! You know what I wish we had?! I wish we had a bus.”

“Have you finally gone round the bend, mate?”

“No Tom, I have not. I really, really wish we had a bus.”

“Like, why’s that, man?”

“Because a bus has….”

“Yeah?”

“A bus has!”

“Out with it man!”

“I wish we had a bus. Because a bus has wheels.”

“….. oh god no.”

“Oh yes! And do you know what those wheels do?”

“Mercy! Mercy!”

“The wheels on a bus….”

“Ok ok, we’ll stop!”

“Oh my dear friends. It is far. FAR. Too late for that. The wheels on a bus. Go round and round.”

Oorwah watched in baffled confusion for the entire rest of the day, as the four men (MEN!) continued their musical warfare against each other. “We have another two weeks travel time to Harral.” She mused to herself. With an exasperated sigh.

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