My first attempt, let me know what you think. All CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is appreciated.

Edit: I’ve decided a rewrite is appropriate. Come on back in a few hours and let me know what you think of the changes. I’ll leave the original section (clearly marked) if you want to judge the changes.

Also note that this is my original intellectual property and may not be copied, reuploaded, transformed, or used in any other fashion without my explicit permission aside from any usage applicable under Fair Use, with or without attribution and whether or not you profit from said usage.

DON’T Provoke A Human

A Kilexi and an Altreth, both stinking of their urine equivalent, were sitting in the station med bay so that Twik, the Kilexi, could get his cheek stitched shut.

“How did this happen,” the nurse asked.

“A human did it,” responded K’nis, the Altreth.

“What,” she exclaimed. Humans never get in fights. “What did your friend do to piss off a human badly enough to do this?!”

“Well, we were in the bar, discussing the psychology of different species…”

———————————————————

“Which species do you think is the weakest?”

“Certainly it must be the humans. It’s been three centuries since they joined the galactic community and they haven’t fought a single war. Sure, most species don’t START wars right away, but almost all species at least defend themselves when attacked, except the humans. The most violent thing humans do is their combat sports. I’ve never even heard of a human fighting.”

Twik looked around as he thought about it. As his gaze passed over the room he spotted a human drinking alone at the bar. “Let’s put that to the test. I’ve never met a human. There’s one there. Let’s ask him about it.”

“Ok, I’ll ask him to join us.” K’nis brought the human over. He was a bit over two meters tall, several centimeters taller than either of the two aliens. That fur on their heads they called hair was red and the irises of his were an indeterminate color. He and K’nis sat at the table.

“I’m Trevor,” he introduced himself. amiably, “I understand you guys are interested in humans. I’ve never met anyone of either of your species.”

“I’m a Kilexi,” Twik said, “and K’nis here is an Altreth. We were discussing your species. We were wondering why humans never seem fight.”

“Ah, I see. We don’t know most species very well. We don’t want to start a fight with some species that we might want to be allies with later. Besides we don’t like starting wars anyway. They are very wasteful of time and resources.”

“So what would make humans fight?”

“It would have to be very bad,” Trevor replied. He didn’t like where the conversation was going and stood up to leave.

“What if someone attacked your young,” Twik asked.

“You’re welcome to try. Our children aren’t so well behaved. My sons would avoid killing you if they can. I’d probably find you tied to a chair in the morning,” Trevor replied with a laugh.

“What if someone tried to enslave your daughters,” Twik pushed.

Edit: original excerpt

“What if someone tried to enslave your daughters,” Twik pushed. Trevor just… moved. He moved so quickly neither alien could tell what actually happened. Suddenly Twik was face down on the ground, the heel of Trevor’s boot on the back of his neck, pressing down painfully, grinding his face into the floor. Trevor was bent over having made a very large knife appear seemingly from nowhere, the point just millimeters from Twik’s eye. Trevor held a sinuous pistol in his other hand, pointing at K’nis’ face almost casually, without even looking. Trevor spoke quietly, calmly in a voice like frozen helium. “You do NOT want to figure out what we will fight over the hard way. I suggest you play nice, it’s what we would prefer, and if you force us to fight you, you may not be lucky enough for us to kill you.” He punctuated the point by ever so lightly pressing against Twik’s cheek, the razor sharp point easily flaying it open, Twik’s blue blood flowing over his cheek and pooling on the floor. Then Trevor just stood up, the weapons disappearing just as quickly as they appeared and walked away nonchalantly as if nothing happened.

Edit: end original excerpt

Edit: New section begins here.

“Well… do you know of our laws regarding war?”

“No.”

“A few centuries ago we had what we call “World War One”, but could just as easily be ‘The Second Major Campaign of the Seventy Five Year War’. That’s not as pithy of a name though. It was the first real war since our industrial revolution and everyone seemed to want to figure just how efficiently we could slaughter our enemies. Mortars, tanks, chemical weapons… after the war all of the nations joined together to set some ground rules. Like not using chemical weapons. Or not using knives with triangular blades because the wound won’t close. No torturing prisoners. Violating the rules would be a war crime. Soldiers, officers, leaders, etc. could be charged with the crimes after a war. It became known as the Geneva Convention, for the city where the negotiations took place. If someone crosses the line hard enough, well… let’s just say that becomes a checklist,” Trevor said with a feral grin.

Twik and K’nis just gulped. Hard.

“What about that thing in… what was that god forsaken rock called? It was a human forge world, about fifty standard years ago I think.”

“Hmm… you’re talking about the rogue planet Etna. It’s unusually rich in platinum group metals. It was attacked by an Arachnoid form group of pirates, because platinum group metals. We didn’t lose many people, and none were civilians. So we just paid them off with some of the refined metals.

Twik, K’nis and, Trevor continued talking and drinking, soon changing the subject and getting deeper in their cups by the minute.

After a few hours Twik and K’nis forgot how they met this human that was steadily drinking them under the table.

“Trevor,” a feminine voice leapt out of the crowd. All three looked up to see two human females approaching. One was a little short, clocking in at all of 157 centimeters with long blonde hair and blue eyes. The second was practically a carbon copy, but a bit shorter.

“Whoa…” Twik said breathily, his tongue practically hanging out. “Are those human females,” he asked.

Trevor’s eyes narrowed, though the subtle cue was lost on his drinking companions. Even if they hadn’t been drunk, they weren’t familiar enough with humans to catch it. Twik was obviously slurring his words now, so Trevor dropped it.

“Yes that’s Clara, my third wife and our young daughter Róisín,” Trevor replied a little curtly.

“THIRD wife,” K’nis asked. “I didn’t know humans bred that way!”

“We don’t…” Trevor started, then sighed. “Humans have many configurations for relationships. Usually it’s one at a time, but I currently have three wives.

“I usually only go for other Kilexi, but that’l one is really something,” Twik said huskily.

Trevor put on a sneer, about to reprimand the alien when his girls arrived. They strode right up to the table between Twik and Trevor. “Hello sweetie, long day at the salt mines,” the taller one asked.

Which is when Twik made his biggest mistake, reaching out and rather firmly grabbing Róisín’s butt.

Then Trevor just… moved. He moved so quickly neither alien could tell what actually happened. Suddenly the table was nowhere to be found and Twik was face down on the ground, the heel of Trevor’s boot on the back of his neck, pressing down painfully, grinding his face into the floor.

Trevor was bent over, having made a very large knife appear seemingly from nowhere, the point just millimeters from Twik’s eye. Trevor held a black, sinuous pistol in his other hand, pointing directly at K’nis’ face almost casually, without even looking. At first all K’nis could see was the gaping maw of the human’s curvaceous gun. At second all he could see the three guns pointed at him, Trevor’s wife and daughter having followed his actions without question or hesitation.

Trevor spoke quietly, calmly, in a voice that could freeze helium.

“It seems you want to figure out what we will fight over the hard way. Usually if you were so unlucky that I didn’t kill you you’d still spend the rest of your miserable life screaming.”

He accentuated the point by ever so lightly pressing against Twik’s cheek, the razor sharp point easily flaying it open, Twik’s blue blood flowing from his cheek and pooling on the floor. The stink of fresh blood filled the air.

Then Trevor just stood up, the weapons disappearing just as quickly as they appeared and walked away nonchalantly with his wife and daughter as if nothing had happened.

K’nis quietly swore in shock at the sudden explosion of violence.

Edit: new/rewritten section

———————————————————

…and then we came here,” K’nis finished.

The nurse tied off the last stitch and trimmed off the excess thread. “Well no wonder he lost it with provocation like that,” she said.

“That’s the most terrifying part about the whole thing,” Twik said, rubbing his sore cheek. “The human didn’t ‘lose it’. He wasn’t even angry. He was in complete control the entire time. He only did it to make a point. He just decided that our way of thinking might be dangerous to his brood, and that an example needed to be made. What truly terrifies me… what happens when a human really does lose it?”

As Twik and K’nis exited the med bay a courier approached them.

“Are you the Kilexi known as Twik,” she asked.

“Yes…” he responded warily. She presented a data pad, “Thumb print please.”

He held a digit to the pad until it beeped.

“Your package,” she said, thrusting an envelope into his hand and disappeared down the corridor.

Twik tore open the envelope and retrieved a sheet of paper and a cloth. He became pale as the blood drained from his face.

“What is it,” K’nis asked.

Twik passed him the paper wordlessly.

K’nis looked at the short note.

I thought I’d return your property to you. No hard feelings, but… don’t give me a reason to take it back again. - Trevor.

Twik unfolded the cloth, which was stained blue.

Edit: I started with the bar scene, then switched to them relaying the story, so the formatting might be a bit weird.

Edit 2: Would you like to see anything more from these characters/IP?

Edit 3: Róisín sounds like Ro-sheen.