TLDR; Struggling to find motivation to work out. Worried about developing unhealthy relationship with body image and eating again.

(30M) Got a gym membership 3 months ago and haven’t gone in there once. I used to be an avid rock climber for 5 years strong then had to stop due to overuse issues after starting up my sports massage career. I was doing way too much with my hands (including playing drums) and chose to stop climbing to pursue my passion for manual therapy. Before discovering climbing I use to lift in the gym 5-6 days a week, had 6 meals a day, and loved it for a while until I realized my physique and food intake was becoming an obsession. I would panic if I missed a meal but I’d also get depressed if I was eating too much and my vascularity would vanish. After discovering climbing in 2017 I never went back to a normal gym. I think my worry about lifting again is developing an unhealthy relationship with my image like I had in the past. At this point I don’t want to lift for looks I just want to feel strong and healthy again.