My father died unexpectedly a couple weeks ago and I just haven’t been the same since. Most days i just sit at my computer staring discord or scrolling mindlessly through YouTube. I (23M) have a gf (22F) and it’s starting to affect our relationship as well. We’ve had problems in the past. For context, when we first met one of the topics of conversation that came up was where we each went to high school. When I brought up my school she mentioned someone we’ll call bill. I know bill as we hung out a few times in hs. She had mentioned how she was friends with him and I didn’t think anything of it really. Fast forward a couple of months and we’re dating. During this time she would post pictures of us on her social media and bill would comment on them often. She would bring them up to me or say things like “bill says hi” and I would say hello back. Well one day I’m hanging out with my gf and a couple of her roommates at the time and bills name gets brought up. I could immediately tell something about that made my gf uncomfortable. So naturally I asked her if there was something wrong and she said “no”. Her roommates looked at me kinda strange and said “you don’t know about bill?”. I responded “yeah we went to hs together, what about him?”. Couple of minutes of prying to get answers and her roommate finally said “bill and (insert gf name here) used to date”. Naturally I was upset because why is she still keeping in contact with her ex AND not disclosing that bill is her ex to me.

Fast forward some more months, we had talked it through but I wasn’t feeling completely secure so I went through her phone. I do acknowledge that going through someone’s phone without them knowing is a complete invasion of privacy and I was wrong to do it. With that said I did find more messages from another person and she said “that’s just some thirsty guy that tries to hit me up” but she was engaging and actively catching up with this person asking them “how they’ve been” and stuff like that that. I will admit to being insecure, I have been cheated on in the past and I know that sometimes I overthink situations which leads me to overreacting most of the time so I chalked that up to my insecurities and apologized for it.

My problem is I feel like I can’t completely trust my gf for some reason. I do love her. I love her more than anything. It’s just these type of things make me iffy about commitment. I’ve gone through her phone again since then and found ANOTHER person she was “chatting” with all the way up until the point where the guy asked her on a date! Her response? “We’ll see”. So like yeah I’m insecure but I feel like I can’t keep blaming myself for this type of stuff.

I say all of that to ask the question, should I ask to see what’s she’s keeping on her Snapchat? She actively follows ex’s and old fwb on Instagram (actively as in views there posts, likes there pictures, etc) so I feel like she’s definitely holding onto a couple of them and I think it’s not too crazy to believe she still might have old photos/videos she just keeps around. Or should I just read the signs and move on. This situation gets worse because we LIVE together and financially I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own so I’m kinda stuck and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m always gonna want to know what’s going on in her phone so I can feel secure but I know that’s selfish and I shouldn’t expect someone to want to live like that. Idk. Lmk what you guys think.