I don’t want to get into all the nitty gritty about my marriage. I just wanted to say that I failed. She doesn’t know but I tried really really fucking hard, to the point of suicide. I never made enough money to get all the things she wanted and it broke me inside that I couldn’t provide the picturesque home and lifestyle she dreamed of. Then one day my job cut someone on my team and decided to instead of hire someone new, they would make me cover for it to save money. Now instead of getting the break I used to have I no longer had the break.

For the next 5 years I worked like this until I had a total mental breakdown due to stress and a failed attempt at finding god. I ended up having to take about 4 months off to recover and I never got my feelings back. I’m totally dead on the inside and now going to be divorced in a few months because there’s nothing left to give. The only thing stopping me from killing myself is that my kids don’t deserve to feel the pain of losing their father. No I’m not going to hurt myself I love my kids way too much to do it, but I do feel these things.

Edit: thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I needed to hear everything said here and it’s put a spark into my heart.