before anyone asks, i’m already on medication and in therapy.. my therapist seems to think i’m doing ok, but it doesn’t feel like it from my end. my friend died just over a year ago and i still cry some nights (like now).. i miss him every day. i feel like i’m lying to everyone who asks me how i’m doing. no one really wants to know, if they did they would call me out; no one ever does.. it’s probably easier to be blissfully unaware.

i know Matt wouldn’t want me to be this sad, it just happens out of the blue.. he was always there when i needed to talk, and if he wasn’t he always responded when he could. not having that now is really tough. i’m not really sure how it’s supposed to get easier, short of forgetting him; which is impossible anyway.

i just wish he was still here.. i still talk to him, and i believe he’s with me.. i just miss him so very much, it’s hard to know how to be ok now.