We knew about our mom's sickness just almost 2 weeks ago. But we only just knew about the possibility of her having stage 4 cancer. She is only 55 and I always imagined spending her years all throughout the 70s, even 90s, if that was possible, with us. We are still waiting for the result of her biopsy but her doctors already told us that it is likely to be cancer, based on what they saw during her surgery. Of course, we are hoping for a miracle and that they are wrong. We are praying that chemotherapy will help. It just hurts so much. I mean, we are willing to take good care of her, to clean her poop and all that stuff. But I cannot imagine her being so weak and sick. We are still waiting for our second dose of vaccine before taking the covid test. After that, we will be allowed to go home to the countryside to be with her and our dad.

Aside from Mom, my cat got diagnosed with pyometra last Saturday. And we really do not have money to have her operated on. We already used and will use our remaining funds for our mom. I am not even working yet because I am still in university. That is why I can't really do anything. I know everyone is in a kind of bad situation because of the pandemic that is why I can't push myself to ask for donations. And so, ever since Saturday, I have been waiting for her death to come. Every time, I would check on her just to be sure that she is still alive. There is part of me that wants her to die already because I don't want her to suffer. But I feel bad because I also want her to keep fighting because I can't seem to let go of her.

I don't know what to do. I keep on praying but it hurts because why me, why them. Why did they get sick? I don't want to fall back into depression when I just recently got out of it. I mean, I am still in there but I am a lot better now. I want to accept things but I also can't seem to accept them.