My dad passed 1/20/20. He was 56, and was overweight and had high blood pressure for quite some time. Other than that, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health and gave him medications for quite some time. My dad was also given lorazepam to help him with anxiety. He had been anxious ever since his mom and step-mom both passed away within 2 months of each other a few years ago. He would always complain about his symptoms and for the most part, they were caused by anxiety. The doctors did every test to look at his heart, and it was completely fine and healthy. He started complaining about numbness on the left side of his face and arm, and his face became more red. The doctors didn't seem to take notice of it because he was always worried about something. My dad was a Pastor and the day before, he was preaching and we had a wonderful family day together. On Monday, I was at work about to go to lunch when I got a call from my wife. She said there were paramedics in our garage and my dad passed out. I dropped everything and was out the door. As I was driving I was still on the phone with my wife, and my mom grabbed the phone and she was crying saying "I don't think he's going to make it." It was the longest 10 minute drive of my life.

I got home, and there were police, firemen, and paramedics. My dad was lying in our garage with his clothes ripped and tubes down his throat. His face was bloated and blue, with blood coming from his nose. His eyes were bloodshot. That is the last image I have of him. My mom later told me that they were out in the garage and he was working on his Harley after a good breakfast and putting up laundry. He bent down on the ground to see what tools he needed. When he stood up he said that he was in pain, but didn't specify where. My mom thought he was really dizzy from standing up so she sat him in a golf cart that we have. He told her that he was going to pass out. His eyes started to roll back and his face started to turn blue in my moms hands. Then he was gone.

On the death certificate, it said he died from massive heart failure due to high blood pressure, but my mom and I think it was a hemorrhage because of the blood and he bit on his tongue. Either way, it sudden, unexpected, and tragic. It has been a little over two weeks and the house is empty without him. I have a 5 month baby girl that will never see her grandpa again. She always gave him smiles. My mom is only 46 and has another life ahead of her. I never imagined a life where my parents aren't together. Church on Sunday is different because he is not there preaching. I am angry at the medical system here in California. They didn't take my dad seriously after his heart checked out okay. His doctor never changed his medications when obviously the blood pressure medication he was on wasn't working.

My life has completely changed. I work for an Allstate agency, before that a manager at a Verizon store until it closed. My job is to solicit to people via telemarketing for insurance quotes. I already hated this position, as I thought the job was going to be much different, but now I really just don't care. Hitting monthly goals, making 200 daily calls, trying to get people to say yes to my pitch doesn't matter at all. It's meaningless. I just want to be home with my wife and baby and spend as much time as I can with them, but I need to provide for them. I didn't get bereavement pay so I came back to work the Monday after the funeral because I need the money, and we had the funeral on Saturday of the week he passed so I was too busy to grieve or for reality to even set in. I decided to take a break from calling on Monday because it was the two weeks to the day my dad passed, and wasn't in the mood for it. My boss pulled up the call records and talked to me after work, almost in tears because she was furious I didn't make calls. She asked if I even wanted to be here and if I'm trying to fool her or myself by staying here, and how she understands my situation but life goes on.

No one here has asks me if I am okay and they tip-toe around me. We just sit in our individual offices and do our work. Being in the insurance business, death is a normal thing and deal with it all the time, so people roll it off like whatever. My dad would always send me texts of encouragement to get through the day, and I no longer get those. He would call me throughout the day asking me questions, now I don't get those. This workplace is possibly the worst place for me to be in right now, but everywhere I apply to, no one will hire me. I am in a very tough stage of my life. I pray that God will continue to give me strength.