On Sunday, October 28th, 2012 at 1:23 PM my big brother passed away. At the time I saw myself as lucky - since I got to be there and hold his hand. It took 5 years for it to sink in that he was truly gone. Of course, the emptiness and eerie silence in our house was a constant reminder that he was gone. And he’s never coming back. I’ve been in therapy since then, I’ve told my story (and his) dozens of times, we held a celebration of life gathering, and I visit his grave (not as often as I would like though). Grief comes in all forms, and it comes in so many waves. Sometimes I’m drowning and sometimes I’m treading water.

I canceled my appointment with my therapist today, I just knew I would be too much of a mess to talk to her today. It gets closer and closer to the 6 year anniversary, and I’m having a hard time holding it together at work. I broke down at the front desk of my job, and I’ve been so angry. So so angry. My manager gave me the 28th off, but not after making me work 7 days straight, and 7 days straight after that. I want to scream at him or anyone who is listening that they just don’t understand, and I want to be left alone. I feel like I’m thrust back into the stages of grief. It just feels so heavy this time. Has anyone else felt this way before? Any advice? Please.