Everyday I tell myself I’m not worthy of person because my parents decided to just randomly quit on me and pawn me off to my grandmothers. I’m very hurt to this day from the day they told me. I was just kid when they told me “hey bubba your father & I can’t be there for you and raise you, but we love you so much it hurts having to do this but don’t worry you grandmother said she would take you in” * hugs me * I burst into tears telling myself I’m a mistake and a disappointment because I thought at the time I had to do with something with me but my aunt was mean to me about and had no empathy whatsoever when I was going through my crying episodes, they would beat me until “they give me something to cry about” I’m hurt having to go through this kind of pain and I can’t help but make it something special when is not. It sucked growing up in an unhealthy environment for social learning and how to love myself and be there for myself more often. Everyday I tell myself in my head “my name” you know you’re better off in the grave. Also everyone will be so glad not having to deal with you anymore because all you do is make mistakes and be obedient to their standards of socializing. I feel like I have to be this puppet for others and I feel like an imposter for all feeling like I’m manipulating others. I have convinced myself I am better off in the grave because ill never be able to not stop thinking others are going to get mad and upset and start attacking me or hurting me because I made a mistake in life for something I didn’t know. “But oh you’re 24 and should know this by now??? What are you f$cking dumb?” Or “grow the hell up!! Quit being stupid and making mistakes. You gotta be perfect because I’m tired of you making a bad name for yourself” Being alone in this world having none experience whatsoever and telling myself I ain’t worth having around, I’m better off in the graveyard.