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This year, I’ve learned I have to force myself to pretend I’m okay. Only because some people have either made me feel I should already be over it or have weaponized (in my opinion) my real feelings to make me feel like a crazy person for their entertainment. So, now I only say “I’m fine” when anyone asks.
I even tried moving onto pursue someone else, but everything since then, especially with his birthday—it only further made me realize how much I truly have fallen in love someone whose no longer here. It makes me envious when friends come to me about their happy current relationships (truly, I’m happy for them) but it’s just a constant reminder of what I could’ve potentially had.
He & I were still figuring things out. It’s hard to do that when you’re finishing a degree, family stuff & the passing of his mother just four months before his.
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