My husband of 11 years committed suicide and I can’t stop feeling guilty about everything that happened that day. We were having an argument and my last words to him were, “I can’t help you” he said, “Okay. Got it.” The next time I saw him I had to cut him down and was trying to give him CPR.

Whenever we’d fight we’d both say hurtful things to each other, but then we’d just take a breather away from each other. He’d usually go outside and just tinker with his truck. We’d both come to the realization that we were just being dumb and apologize to one another. We’d go back to our normal lovey dovey selves. We’ve had way worse fights than the one that day. I hate myself for even responding to him. I should of told him that I’m right there, held him and not let him go.

We have 3 kids together and at this point I don’t know what to do anymore. For the time being I still have this heavy feeling in my chest everyday, I feel numb having to run around doing errands for his funeral, everything reminds me of him. We’ve been staying with my Mom because I’m scared to sleep at my place. When I do have to go there I shut my eyes going up the stairs (where I found him) and try and get in and out as quickly as possible. It just feels so empty. I’ll be starting counseling after the funeral and will be getting my kids into therapy as well.