I have been living a nightmare for the last 44 days and 8 hours. I don't know what to do, or how I'm supposed to go on without you here. I don't want to eat, drink, sleep, all I want is for you to be here. This wasn't our plan, we had plans for the future. I keep hoping to wake up and this to have been a cruel nightmare. You were and will ALWAYS BE MY WIFE. You knew I was a broken toy and yet you still loved me and married me. We spent more than 21 years together, and now I'm just supposed to be here without you? I want this nightmare to please be over with and you be in our bedroom when I come inside from sitting on the porch. But I know that just like every other day, you won't be, and I relive that moment I saw you laying there. There is no way there's a god looking over us, because if there was, this wouldn't be my life now. This is so FUCKING CRUEL of any supposedly "loving" god. If this is loving, then please just hate me, because I hate you now.