Dearest B, You came into my life in the most unknowing ways in our early 20s. For almost 20 years, you were such a light in my life, with our own ups and downs. Life happens. People change. Breaking up with you had been a hard choice but we weren’t growing despite our good efforts. Yet when we broke up 2 years, both of us blossomed! I saw you again as a whole person. I was looking forward to getting to know this new you as we continued down our life paths. I really wanted my best friend again.

And yet yesterday, out of nowhere, I got a call from your SIL, that you’d been found in your apartment after no one heard from you from a few days. Suddenly, the memories and love overcame me and when that call ended, I wailed as I realized your light had gone out. I didn’t know what to do but I couldn’t stay home. I went out with my good friend from college- you met her soon after you met me- and she did what she could, yet everything made me think of you. Of course the world would do that. Of course. My therapist helped me yesterday get some grounding down to prepare for what awaits me next.

Today I took off from work; there was no way I could function as if it was just another day. But it is a new chapter, one that I am forced to accept, though I will need all the help and grace to do so.

We were so lucky to have had you in our lives. Your joy and love were truly one of a kind. I am going to miss you.