At 9:12 my mom called crying and said, "I think Dad is dead." I went into shock and I'm still there.

She said she came home and he was lying on the garage floor in blood and she called 911. The paramedics were still there and in the garage when my mom called me. Then she said they were coming to talk to her and she had to go. I said, "Don't hang up I want to hear," and she set the phone down. I heard the paramedic say, "I'm sorry, but he's deceased." And then I heard my mom crying.

Then the paramedic asked if she knew what happened and she said that when she left a few hours before, he'd been in the garage working on his bike. She asked if they knew what happened and the paramedic said it looks like he fell and hit his head on the cement floor.

I feel so weird right now. I've just been staring at the wall for 3 hours but now I'm doing this to distract myself.

My dad and I never said i love you to each other. We didn't get along when I was young. But the last few years we really started getting to know each other, and liking each other. I wish I could tell him that i love him. I just can't fathom that he's gone. This feels extremely surreal. Breathing feels weird and everything looks weird, like I'm on drugs or sleep deprived.

I found my diary because i knew I'd written an entry about him recently and I want to share it. This is from 2/26 of this year-

A few weeks ago Dad and I went to get my car window fixed and we had to wait there for an hour or so. He brought a book and i decided I'd just walk around, go to Safeway, etc. So when waiting time came, i told him that i was gonna do that. And then he came with me, which was not the plan. We just walked the perimeter of the parking lot and I realized how strange this was. He just wanted to spend time with me. To go on a walk.

On Christmas he hugged me. On Christmas Eve I had mentioned that one year that we did that Polish-traditional paper-eating thing where we all hugged. I said that I think that's the only time I've ever hugged Dad or Eddie. Then on Christmas day when I was leaving, he hugged me. He likes me as a person. And i like him.