I’m not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this but seemed appropriate. I’m trying to share my feelings more based on my therapist’s feedback lol and didn’t want to share this with family/friends just yet as I know how those conversations will go and am not ready for that.

I want to start this by saying that back in 2003 my mom had a liver transplant that came with complications and her being medically pronounced dead for ~1 minute. During this time, she had what she described as a dream but later would refer to it as “heaven”, I’ll refer to it as a dream for the posts sake.

So the dream she had, she would describe as appearing into this beautiful field, with mountains, and felt so calming to her. She sees someone sitting on a bench and decides to go over because she felt very tired and wanted to rest. The person sitting on the bench was her paternal grandmother, who despite never meeting and rarely seeing pictures of her - knew exactly who she was. Again, my mom mentioned being so tired and wanting to rest and her grandmother told her not to because my brother and I needed her. My mom looked over to the mountain range and saw my brother and I smiling back at her. Then she was awake at the hospital.

Hearing my mom tell this story over and over and her processing what happened afterwards, she would tell family and friends that she was in heaven. And she believed if she would’ve rested/fallen asleep in that dream she would have died in the hospital. Very reminiscent of the classic “follow the light” afterlife sequence we see a lot in media.

Fast forward to 2018, my brother and I were fortunate enough to have our mom in our lives for an extra 15 years post liver transplant, but eventually needing another one and not wanting to go through with it, she passed in July of 2018 suddenly. Losing a loved one, let alone a parent, and in my case a parent I wasn’t on great terms with was and still is very difficult to live with. I am constantly still grieving while simultaneously avoiding it. I oftentimes think of the afterlife and what’s real or possible. Is she in heaven? Is her spirit roaming around us? All of that.

I like to believe she is in one way or another watching over us as I talk to her a lot and she visits me in my dreams and answers some of my questions for her in my dreams. It’s such a gut wrenching but beautiful moment.

With the date of her passing coming up and my brother finally being ready, we’re scattering her ashes as she wished back home in Miami. Leading up to this day has made me extremely anxious and left feeling unprepared and like I’m not ready to go through with it. So I’ve been talking to my mom a lot and going through some of her belongings, wondering how she is, where she is, if she’s ever around us and I think she answered my questions in my dream last night.

The first part of my dream, I was in my current apartment doing regular mundane tasks. Cooking, reading a book, etc and my mom is there with me. We’re not speaking or interacting, dream me doesn’t know she’s there. I’m watching from a 3rd person POV, looking into her watching over me in my current life.

The second part of it was a call back to her dream from 2003. I suddenly am transported to this beautiful sunny field with mountain ranges. The sky is clear, blue and like a perfect sunny day. The grass, so lush and green and I felt so at peace and happy there. I suddenly see my mom, again and I don’t know how I know it’s her but I just do (In my dreams with her, we interact telepathically and I never see her face but I know it’s her). She walks me over to another part where I realize now we’re at the top of a hill and can clearly see the mountain range.

Within the mountain range I see, what I can best describe as moving pictures (think Harry Potter movies) of my brother and I, my mom’s mom and sisters and a few other folks I can’t remember now. At the bottom of the hill, it’s like a live video feed of my nephew running around and living his life. As quickly as I took that all in I woke up with tears in my eyes.

I like to think my mom shared her personal heaven with me to help with my grief and emotions. Letting me know she’s always with me and hears me when I speak to her.

It also made me think of my friends/family that have lost someone close to them. Hoping they all are experiencing the beautiful, calming afterlife where they can check in on their people. Maybe heaven isn’t amongst the clouds, full of angels and a higher being but is instead just a calming personal paradise. Thanks for reading and hoping this brought some comfort maybe if you’re experiencing similar afterlife feelings while missing someone 🫶🏼