Having someone exist for most of your life, and having those years snatched away is the most horrible experience. Death just stops everything. There's no continuation after it, it's just a permanent end. I was so paranoid from it, but I don't even feel the paranoia anymore, just the constant state of sadness.

Burials are sad, cremation is sad, and after you've sad goodbyes if you had the chance to, that's it. It's forever a missing puzzle piece. I realized it will never get better a long time ago, but I didn't think things would get any worse.

To see them in a nightmare as I just look at a lifeless body was the sickest thing my mind could ever do, and it's forever a constant reminder