Hey everyone. A friend of mine committed suicide around a month ago (I'm not even sure. Time melts together recently). I never got a chance to properly mourn him- I spent most of my time being strong, and consoling my partner and my very close friend who was mutually friends with him. I get choked up, and mad at myself, and upset every time he crosses my mind. I wasn't speaking to him, because of something kind of shitty that he did that really hurt our mutual friend. I never got to say goodbye to him before I moved states. I thought about him the day before he killed himself. I thought about sending him a message, letting him know I missed him, I'm sorry we haven't been talking, I want to see you when we visit home state in the coming months... Figuring I could just message him at any time, closer to the visit, you know. I should have sent it. Let go of the resentment I was carrying. At least I could've spoken with him one last time, even if it didn't ultimately save him. The guilt has been weighing on me so, so heavily. It feels like I have five huge elephants sitting on my chest, and I can't breathe. I feel like an idiot. My therapist said I shouldn't beat myself up about it, these things happen, all that, but I just can't help it. I just feel so miserable. I'm so upset that I didn't just fucking say something sooner. I know he did some shitty stuff, but I know if he was of sound mind he would have never done that stuff. I'm not sure what anyone might say to me here, I'm not even sure what kind of support I'm looking for... Get it off my chest, and hope that someone can give me some advice, some way to let go of the immense guilt I feel. I know it's not my fault or anything, just... Subconsciously I'm struggling to grapple with it I guess. Thanks for reading my post, if you stuck around