What has cheesy inspiring lines, words off affirmation, and jerk off instructions? This script for a complete and utter shit post where you get to play a Soulcycle style instructor for those who are about to pleasure themselves! Kind of inspired by the SNL skit, without cocaine references. I wrote this as F4M, but encourage whosoever feels inspired to fill this to change up the pronouns and descriptions!

You Didn't Wake Up Today To Be Mediocre!

[F4M][Script Offer]You Didn't Wake Up Today To Be Mediocre! [Shitpost] [Soulcycle] [JOI] could also be changed to [M4F] [F4A] [M4A] 

(The idea is you are an instructor for a streaming exercise class but instead of spin class you're coaching men while they jerk off, this isn't a basic quickie fap, you need some build up to a great orgasm, which is where you come in. Ideally there would be some generic workout music in the background. Feel free to add or change things to suit you, including the pronouns.)

Hey, thanks for joining me, I'm (your name), welcome to (class name)! Theres nothing worse than a bad horoscope except maybe a bad orgasm, lucky for you we don't serve those here! For some people this seems like too much effort just to pleasure yourself, those are not your people. WE are your fucking people! 

You're horny and you don't have a partner right now to help you get off, but you don't need help, do you? You have everything you need to feel good already. Of course you know how to get from point A to point B, but what you really want is to cross the fucking finish line, you want a parade. And you can get there. Believe it! Now get in position, get your dick ready, it's time to stroke. 

Let's start off slow. Listen to that steady beat, and beat your meat. This is just a warm up, you've got a long way to that glorious finish line, this isn't a sprint. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one stroke, let's go!

Think about the subject of your desire. They're thinking about you. You know they are. Picture her. Shes looking right at you isn't she? Whoever gets you alllllll worked up, if they're glamorous and sexy in red lipstick with full round breasts about to spill over… if they're hot and tight, bending over in volleyball shorts and a sports bra… or they're soft and sweet, all ponytails and lollipops and pink panties… if they're thicc and curvy with full kissable lips, an ass and thighs begging to be squeezed… any combination of that, whoever excites you, shes ready for you baby… now get ready for her, invest in yourself, life is too short for mediocre orgasms!

You're really going now but we're not done so slow it down… nice slow strokes, I know its challenging but that parade is worth it… stay here, slow and steady, you know your cock can handle it, he's a big boy…

You've made it to the halfway point but we dont have time to celebrate, pick up the pace! Not full speed but you should feel your heart rate going up. Stay focused! Keep going, it feels so damn good doesn't it? You deserve to feel good, so good, so much more than just a quickie. Stroke that cock, your hands are conduits of pleasure. You are a sex machine, any woman would be satisfied by you.  Say it with me out loud, say "I am a sex machine!" That's right! 

Slow it down again… stroke up to the top and hold it… right there… don't squeeze hard, gentle pressure, down and back up and hold it again keep holding it at the top… good work, slow strokes now… you can speed up in 5… 4… 3… 2...1!

Baby it's time, if it feels good, do it! Oh yeah, find the right tempo and stroke that bad boy! Remember the subject of your desire? She's still watching you and she wants you to cross that finish line, shes on the other side and she wants your hot load all over her! Find that sweet spot, good boy! Cross that finish line, it's time to cum like you mean it, I'll count up and back down 1.. 2.. 3..4..5..5..4..3..2..1..0 cum, cum like the sex machine that you are! 

Keep going, get every drop, you know you can. 

Feel that parade break over you in waves. Calm deep breaths. Let's cool down. 

Be proud, you made it to the finish line, you're awesome and a total sex machine! Don't forget to hydrate and join me again next time, stay thirsty! Woo!