Emir Tamim's staff typed furiously. This was no time to be caught slacking. Why, at this very moment, starving suicide bombers in Idlib Province could be saved for mere dinars a day! Managing all the different microscopic groups associated with Qatar in one way or another was very much a full time job, one that required its own, substantial group of personnel and experts in moving money, guns and equipment across the world to further Qatar's political objectives, like strengthening Turkiye, gaining support throughout the Muslim world and also thumbing their noses at Saudi Arabia. With the situation in the Middle East remaining volatile, the only axiom of this work was that things were constantly changing. Thus so was a form letter drafted to the leader of some two-bit rebel army in the Central African Republic, while the Emir, enamored with Chatgpt and having recently purchased a subscription, experimented with writing a letter himself explaining to the leader of Hamas that their budget was being substantially cut and they were getting downgraded to a four-star hotel, though not in quite so many words.

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Dear General Nourreddine Adam,

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Our eyes have been drawn to the cause of the Popular Front for the Rebirth of Central African Republic. The ongoing war between the oppressed Muslim peoples of the north and their Christian, crusader tyrants to the south has gained little notice or attention from the umma, and yet, despite this all, you have persisted anyway, showing remarkable resilience in the face of overwhelming odds from the Wagner Group and even, at times, the United Nations.

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As a result, we have authorized support for the FPRC, which will enable it to achieve ultimate victory in their battle against the Tsarist Crusaders. We have authorized the disbursement of one hundred million dollars in various currencies and gold to provide fiscal sustenance to your movement, along with providing five thousand Valmet M62s, sixty FN MAGs, 20 M2 Brownings and 24 120mm mortars along with ammunition. We also will provide three thousand volunteers to join the FPRC cause that have been trained by Qatari Special Forces, called the Jihad Contras.

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We expect great things from your tactical leadership and, pending good results, you may reasonably assume additional fiscal aid, equipment and volunteers may continue flowing in your direction until such time as the Tsarist Crusaders are finally defeated once and for all through jihad, inshallah.

Sincerely,

Emir Tamim

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Dear Ismail Haniyeh,

I trust this letter finds you well and your endeavors progressing in a manner that brings you fulfillment. As we review our ongoing commitments to various causes, we have found it necessary to revisit our support for your particular mission.

Allow me to convey, with the utmost sincerity, that your jihad is significant to us, in a somewhat unique way. We have observed the dedication and enthusiasm with which you pursue your objectives, and it is clear that you and your group are wholeheartedly devoted to your vision.

However, due to recent developments and changing priorities, we regret to inform you that we must reconsider our financial assistance. This is a result of shifting global dynamics and a desire to reallocate resources toward more universally accepted endeavors.

We appreciate the distinctive qualities of your efforts to support the Palestinian cause, and while we may not completely understand the intricacies of your mission, we respect your right to pursue it. It is essential to emphasize that this decision is not a diminishment of Hamas's importance but rather a strategic realignment of our commitments.

Please rest assured that we will continue to monitor your activities from a distance with the hope that your path forward is filled with success and understanding. Should you wish to engage in a dialogue to explore alternative avenues of collaboration, our door remains open.

We remain admirers of your dedication and passion, and we hope your journey continues to be as meaningful as you intend it to be. In the ever-evolving landscape of our world, we believe in the potential for new opportunities and partnerships.

Sincerely, Emir Tamim

P.S. This decision will take effect following the customary transition period, and we are willing to discuss any concerns or suggestions you may have during this time.

P.P.S. I wrote this with ChatGPT! Isn't this awesome! You should try it, Ismail, I've seen what you guys have been putting out, this can't be any worse.