• Introduction

Okay folks, I know by now you all must be sick of seeing Overwatch request on the front page. And I don't blame ya! I also to blame the requesters. It's an good game, and it's on sale. And I already made one request 3 days ago, as per the rules, so here's my second attempt. As such, I figured I'd just use the body of the last request as I thought it was pretty good and I honestly don't know what else to add. If you scroll down a bit, you'll see all I had in the last post.

Also, all hail the GOG gods. May their benevolence never cease.

• I was bored in the last post so I just kinda did this whole rant thing as a way to entertain myself and pass the time. You can ignore it.

You know, this post is so sooooo far back that there's no way anyone's gonna see it anymore. And what with the rules on the downtime between posts and the new requests being made by others, I've given up hope on this particular post achieving anything. So I'm just gonna just rant on here. I could do it in my head, but this seems more fulfilling. It's like what I'm guessing having a dairy would be like. So let my rambling begin.

You know, in some ways, I regret ever playing Overwatch. Had I known withdrawal would leave me a shattered shell of a man, I never would've even touched the stuff. It's all I think about now. Day in and day out. I just sit at my computer, bored out of my mind. I have different games, but since Overwatch, nothing has reached me. My single players have been replayed far too much, and the multiplayers do not even hold a candle. I like to sit and close my eyes and imagine I'm playing Overwatch, almost always as Genji. It helps numb the pain. I imagine throwing those shuriken, getting all those kills, walking up to an enemy bastion and deflecting all the bullets back, ninja dashing at a helpless foe trying to run away...then I open my eyes. The dream fades and the pain, the emptiness, the despair, they all come back, in greater forces. I must will myself not to cry.

There is a game on Steam called Paladins. It's a fps MOBA, and reading the reviews, it was regarded as "The poor man's Overwatch". They said it was basically Overwatch but with a few added details and a few less. "They're basically the same", they said. "Even the characters are similar". These people, these reviewers, they insult Overwatch. How dare they, compare a fun machine like Overwatch to the likes of Paladins. It is a mockery, a shameless imitation. I lived telling myself that there was no need to get Overwatch because Paladins was the same. I even laughed at those who bought the Overwatch, thinking they could've gotten the same experience for free. All this time, I did not know. I was naive, nothing but a child living in a bed of comforting lies. I stared at the Paladin's icon on my desktop mocking me. I couldn't even bring myself to try and play the game again. I knew now that it wasn't even in the same league.

Now, the Overwatch free weekend was over. I had hoped that there would be someone kind enough to buy the game for me, I hoped too much. It's my fault for expecting others to fix my problems. I was obsessed, sure that at any moment I would see that long-awaited orange letter, open it, and have my dreams come true. Every 20 minutes, I checked. Then every 10. Then every 5. Soon I just kept a tab open and would keep refreshing it over and over again. "This time", I would tell myself. "This time, for sure". But it was never this time. I panicked, wondering what I did wrong, what more I could've done. Maybe it wasn't long enough, maybe it wasn't funny enough, maybe I didn't put enough passion. Then the upvotes began to drop. "But how?", I asked, "Are people un-upvoting me? Or am I being downvoted?". I could not sleep, how could I? These questions filled my head, filling me with doubt and uncertainty. Then even others began to make requests and mine sank farther and farther. To the bottom of the first page, then to the second page, and soon it was nowhere to be found. It was like it was never there.

I cursed the gods for bestowing such a curse on me. What had I done to deserve such a plight? I payed my taxes. I helped out the occasional old lady here and there, so why? Why was I being punished? I refreshed the page for what must've been the hundredth time that hour and I saw, someone had been gifted Overwatch. It was beautiful. The recipient was happy, as anyone in their right mind would be. It me some hope, enough to keep me going. But then others started getting gifted out of nowhere. A sudden influx of gifts came out as though through some benevolent deity. A new deity by the name of /u/Child_of_1984 (If who, btw happens to reading this, I swear this isn't some bait to make you get me the game. Think nothing of it, I'm just bored. I'm using my creativity to pass the time.). This new god had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and with a few hours he had gained a number of followers, faster than anybody could've anticipated. I should have been happy for my fellow GOG brothers and sisters, yet all I felt inside me was...salt. I was saltier that a motherfucker. I was so...so filled up with salt I could damn near taste it. I was a big 'ol truckload of salt. Lot's wife had nothing on me. Just salty.

I sank to my knees. Is this what I had become? Nothing but a salt-powered jello machine? I couldn't let this be. This is not why I came here. r/GiftofGames was, is, a place is peace, a place of joy. A place in which the milk of human kindness flowed like the Nile river. I couldn't let myself be corrupted by my own inner reserves of salt. No longer. I pulled myself out of the glob of jelly, and shook the salt out of my ears and hair. I apologize, brothers and sisters, for my jealousy. It will not happen again. I hope you can all forgive me. I will try again. I will request as many times as I am allowed. I will stay determined until the sale ends. And this time, I will accept the results like an adult, not a whiny baby. You have my word.

Okay, that's it, I'm done ranting.

• Original request

I mean, yeah its a request, but this is not your average request, ladies, gentlemen and/or others!! See, here in this request, I have something the others did not give you. Well, I haven't actually read the other requests, but i'm gonna go on a limb here and give you something I'm going to assume they didn't give you: Passion. I won't just be requesting, no. I will pour my heart and soul into this like I've never done before.

OKAY. So Overwatch, for the uninitiated, is a first person shooter game made by Blizzard, you know the guys behind that "war of something" game. I dunno I don't think its even that popular. Now we all know that its "World of Warcraft" and that it is insanely popular, but you see what i did there? I made a small joke if an effort to relax you and perhaps form some sort of bond with me. And boy i hoped it worked. If any of you have ever played "Team Fortress 2", imagine that, but without the team fortress 2 characters, and with entirely different characters and maps. Oh, and with waaaaay better graphics. I mean graphics so good, if you could barely run team fortress, then Overwatch would destroy whats left of your pc. Now imagine, that you've got literally 23 different characters to play with. 23 and counting, because we all know Blizzard is just gonna keep adding more. Each very different than the last. Now, I shall list them all along with short descriptions of how I feel about them.

Genji: Have you ever wanted to be a ninja? Trick question. Of course you have, don't lie! Have you ever wanted to be a sweet-ass cyborg? Maybe, maybe. Now, have you ever wanted to be both? It's unlikely, but sometimes people dream. Well, since none of that's ever gonna be possible, Genji's your best option. This dude...is a cyborg ninja. How cool is that? I'll tell you how cool he is. See, most of the other characters carry gun, right? Not Genji. He's got shuriken (Ninja Stars), and he tosses those spiked stars of doom like there's no tomorrow. He can climb walls, he can double jump, he's ninja fast, he can deflect bullets. Bullets. I think I've made my point.

Tracer: Have you ever been bothered by a fly? And it's flying around you, annoying you with its buzzing fly wings, and you keep trying to hit and hit it, but it just keeps dashing away at annoying flay speeds? And then just think you've got the little sucker, its gone and then its back and then the buzzing begins? Now imagine that same fly, but with guns and a British accent, and you've got yourself a Tracer.

Solider 76: If you've played any "Call of Duty", you'll be fine.

MC Ree: Literally John Marston.

Torbjorn: TF2's Engineer, without the country.

Junkrat: TF2's Demoman, without the accent.

Mercy: TF2's Medic, without the penis.

Widowmaker: TF2's Sniper, without the jar of piss.

Pharah: TF2's Soldier, but with a jetpack.

Mei: Don't even get me started on this one.

Bastion: Step one, find good camping spot. Step two, switch to turret mode. Step three, Play Of The Game.

Roadhog: "GET OVER HERE"

Hanzo: "ryuu ga WAGA TEKI NO KURAOOU"

The rest I did not get a chance to play as so ill leave them to your imagination.

So here's the dealio: I got a chance to try out the free weekend last weekend on PC cause it was free and I'd heard is was a good game. That was a lie. Overwatch is not a good game. Overwatch is a damn jewel. I thought is was gonna be mediocre but boy was i wrong. I sunk in sooooo many hours into those 3 days. 21 hours, to be exact. That's almost an entire day. That's how much I loved it. And not to toot me own horn here, but i was pretty sweet. Give me a Genji and point me in the direction you want and watch the carnage unfold. Give me a Widowmaker, and watch motherfuckers drop like flies. Give me a Pharah and see justice rain from above. I was a boss at this game, and I was lovin' it. I hadn't had this much fun since Witcher 3. And then the free weekend ended. And my God I've never been so BOOOOOORED. I just sit at my computer now, mindlessly going from game to game and then quitting shortly after. I even woke up this morning and was about to get up and play some Overwatch when i remembered. It hit me like a Reindhart charging into my heart. I miss Overwatch so bad, it hurts. Nothing tastes the same anymore. The air feels colder, the birds no longer come out to sing. People say that just cause it's winter but that's utter nonsense. I don't want this game, I need it. I crave it.

And now, my request: Smart people, Blizzard. See, they give you the free weekend so you can try out the game, THEN, they put the Origins edition on sale, making it even cheaper than the Original edition, so you think "Boy, the game sure was good, and this deal's a steal!", and so you buy. Well, Kudos, Blizzard. I'd rather spare you the classic sob stories, but here's the cliff-notes version: College. Okay? We on the same page? Awesome. See, I'd donate a kidney if I could but with all the junk food I eat, I'd die two days after. So, if anyone of you is feeling especially generous, or moved by my testimony, or hell if you even got a laugh out of the whole request, then please, I implore you, get me this game. Do this, and I promise if we ever get a Fallout-like winter apocalypse, and if i end up being the chief concubine of a faction leader, I'll totes vouch for you so they don't skin you and eat your liver like they did Gary. Poor Gary.

Information BELOOOOOOW

Buy Overwatch Here!!: (https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/buy/#origins-edition)

My Battlenet ID: Tentaye#1567

And that's its. Hell of a request, am I right? Took over an hour to make, but you know what? It's all about the quality. Also the quantity.

Also, when the hell is season 3 of Rick and Morty coming out?

• You can also ignore this edit here. I've just been rather bored lately. This is how I entertain myself.

EDIT: I just wanted to add this here because I may or may not be going crazy. See, ever since I made this request it's like the whole universe has been mocking me, taunting me. Every YouTube video i watch now has an Overwatch ad before it. All the suggested videos are now Overwatch themed, I'm even seeing the ads for the sale on different websites. I...I don't deserve this kind of pain, this kind of torment. I may not be a saint, but this isn't right.