I often wonder how giftidness is playing a role in my relationships and if others could relate. Like can we find some correlations there ? For context, I am 28F and have been in a 9 year long relationship with my boyfriend. He is my first and only sexual experience. Here are several points that I often question:

1. Manipulation: I have often wondered if my boyfriend could be manipulationg me and if I was in a toxic relationship, or if it was only my perception of it. For exemple, he'd often use phrasing like "you're not putting your heart into this", "you don't think of me much", "do you love me?". I also feel he criticizes me harshly "you're hysterical", "you are too fragile", "you never make any effort". I feel I am someone very honest who values integrity and trust. I wondered if I may end up in toxic situation because of this. I feel many gifted people do value integrity and honesty so I've wonder if this could lead for many people to this kind of relationships

2. Perfectionism: Some of my bf's behaviors often lead to frustration. As I try to explain to him how it is a problem to me, he often implies I am at fault for asking too much. I always end up questioning myself for hours, debating how right or wrong I am. Am I indeed asking too much in the relationship? Is perfectionism some common traits ?

3. Sapiosexuality and limerence: When I was a teenager, I struggled being different. People were calling me strange and crazy. At some point I was scared to talk. Then I had this amazing teacher. He was incredibly smart, and had a very specific and special sense of humour. He loved words and knew how to play with them. I thought he was a better version of me. One smarter, not scared of expressing himself. Despite him being 29years older than me, I fell in love. I knew this kind of love was "not proper". I suffered keeping it to myself. Now many years later, I still think of him. I still feel he is the only person I know that could understand me fully, how my brain works. This is something that is so hard to talk about. People tell me I have daddy issues, obsession issues. It is only infatuation, I am sick. I have felt shame and frustration from this situation. Then I learned about my gift. And I looked at my past and this seemed to make more sense. Maybe it was not daddy issue after all. Maybe I just fell for his intelligence, despite age and status. And this obsession to meet him again could be part of my desperate need to be understood by someone.

4. Sexual curiosity: This is probably exacerbated because I've had sexual intercourse with one person only. I can't help but wonder how sex with other would feel like. I'm also curious about sexual practice like bdsm. I've often questioned myself about open relationships also. Sometimes it makes sense to me to have sexual needs. Like I feel my bf would be my pattern for life, but then why should I stop myself from experiencing sexual intercourse with others ? I get that jalousy would play a huge part. But then, isn't jalousy only the expression of someone being scared they would be left out? Let's say my bf has sex with another girl and realize he loves her more that me. Shouldn't I let him go happily if I truly care for him? Isn't monogamous relationship being selfish ? Then again, if I think my theories could make some sense rationaly, I don't know if I could truly apply them in my life.

It'd be nice to have others input and experiences. I've tried to talk about this with people around me (my bf included and that was not a good idea) and I feel they don't care, or think it's too far-fetched. I was thus wondering if gifted people could relate more.