It seems obvious I am not "typical". I have felt different since a young age. However, as an adult, I don't think that difference is too noticeable and I adapted just fine to society. I think others may think I'm a bit weird and socially awkward, but won't realize I'm so different. Even I often struggle to decide how "normal" I am. And so, I've been struggling for the past few months with the idea of being gifted and how much it would matter to get the official diagnosis.

I think I am obsessed with the idea because I want an explication to my suffering. I guess I also hope that people around me may realize how some simple tasks/things may appear so hard for me. I'm also in the need for connections. When I have an interest, I can talk about it for weeks. I wanna share all the knowledge and new theories I came up with. However, I only annoy those around me. And I feel like they can't understand my theories either. It's frustrating and sad, especially when it concerns the closest people around me.

Rationally, a diagnosis won't change miraculously who I am, how I view myself, and how I feel. Worse, I think I may let the mask drop more often in society. I used to be well adjusted and now I'm starting to struggle again with social interactions. Also, letting people now I'm "gifted" won't help them understand who I am. It will only help them to judge me on who I may be according to their definition of giftidness.

This debate has been going on in my head for a few weeks and I feel so tired of it. I need new inputs, new ideas. I need understanding and connections. My relatives, friends and boyfriend don't wanna hear about it anymore.