So, first a little back story I (M26) have been friends (M25) since high school and had an extremely close relationship even coming out of high school. At some point we sorta developed feelings for each other but it mostly just resulted in a more fwb situation which worked out for us.

Eventually he got a gf and still things were cool, we were still close just minus the hooking up and again something that wasn't much of a bother despite my feelings for him I kept it in check as I felt our friendship was more important.

Anyway, something about my friend is that he liked to smoke weed, me not so much but I didn't care if he did or not. His gf on the other hand did and when she found out he did it and that I never stopped him she made him choose between her or me and he chose her and broke up our friendship over text, which completely destroyed me and probably had some impact on how I view friends today.

Fastforward three years since we last spoke and he texts me out of the blue wanting to catch up again, that he was sorry and that he and his now ex had broken up and so our friendship sort of rekindled, but the damage done to it was going to take a while to heal (Which it did).

Now we fast-forward to two days ago and it's been maybe five years (It's been a long time, so I forget the exact time period). We are back to being good friends minus the hooking up and the rockiness of our rekindled friendship is patched over. Well, we had been out drinking and were just chatting about how long we have friends for, and he made an off handed I think joke, about how I am only sticking around waiting till he is single again and this kind of stung and the comment only really hit me today.

We were both drunk, so I don't really know if he remembers it or if he even meant it, so I don't really want to bring it up, but yeah it really just crushed a little part of me. I hadn't even thought about the idea of wanting to date him since our falling out all those years ago and now I feel a little like crap over that comment. And like I do love him but it's more a love of friendship than anything else, I love hanging out with him because he is one of the very few people, I actually enjoy being around but now I'm kind of just feeling like shit over this comment.

I'm not really looking for advice just sorta wanna vent into the void but if people wanna throw out their opinions feel free to.