So I’m going to get a bit winded here. Life has been rough. I’m sure it has for a lot of people. I’ve been up and down with weight and it aligns a lot with my major depression.

I’m 37 M with four kids and in my second marriage. Lost my job so I DoorDash until I find something good again. My wife doesn’t want me intimately right now and it’s been hard just getting interviews. Every week I deal with an ex who just belittles me at every chance she gets. I see a therapist 1-2 times a week and take depression meds and ADHD meds. I’ve been up and down with my weight but I’m starting to feel like it’s getting really bad. 5’8 250 or so lbs. I want to feel better and have a healthier body and I want to also finish the game I started developing. However right now it takes all my energy just to fight the thoughts in my head about being fat, ugly, worthless, useless etc.

No matter what I’m told it’s hard to believe otherwise when I look in the mirror.

What do I do? Like I desperately want to lose weight and be healthier and finish my personal projects but I’m just getting older and feel like a waste of space.

What can I do to push me over the edge? I’ll be honest I don’t even know if I am motivated enough to be in this survival state much longer. Wounds go deep, and with the situation with my wife and my job it feels like even if I made my game or lost weight nothing would improve.