Alt account cuz most people I know are conservative. Sometimes I really wish I would have been born a girl but I don't exactly want to be trans. I respect how brave trans people are but it would basically ruin all my relationships and my credibility to alot of people at my job.

Doubt anybody will take the time to read all this but I've been thinking about this for a long time so it's like this. Im 20 and ever since I was a kid I would wish I was different characters both male and female but often times female. I also liked both "manly" stuff with my dad and "girly" stuff with my mom and sister.

I dress fairly fem but not what I would call cross dressing (just skinny jeans, knee socks w.e.). I also look pretty feminine as it is and used to get teased in school cuz I had long hair and people would say I looked like a girl from behind.

Tbh tho it didn't bother me that I looked like that it just bothered me that people were trying to insult me. My parents are chill with the way I dress but I'm 99% sure it would make things weird with everybody except maybe my sister if I started painting my nails or something. We all live together and help each other out with bills and everything.

I know alot of people will probably tell me that I should just do it anyway and if people don't accept me I don't need them and while I can certainly respect that I don't like the idea of my family and friends losing respect for me so I feel like that's out of the question. Obviously it's messed up that people do that but it still scares me.

So I guess what I'm trying to ask is how do you deal with that feeling? I've slowly been getting slightly more fem clothes but nothing too crazy and it makes me feel good. So does keeping clean shaven and trimming my leg hair and stuff. But it also makes me kind of sad sometimes because I have to do all this to try and feel good when if I was born a girl I wouldn't.

Not to say my life has been horrible im grateful for the life I have. I tell myself that I have no idea what my life would be like as a girl and it could have been worse that way. I'm just tired of this feeling and tbh idek what I want sometimes. Idk if anybody has any advice or feels similar but I'd be down to chat. Even if not if you actually read all this just know I appreciate you.