I'm an old Dad, married late, took years to have a pregnancy, so I'm a 57 year old with a 14 year old son. He's on the spectrum and queer. He was fine and well until a few months ago. Now we have been dealing with his suicidal ideations. We have involved all of the counselors at the school, he's just started therapy, but the swings are huge.

I grew up with a Dad who grew up on a ranch. He was a ranch hand to his father, not a son. I was raised much the same way. Lots of child labor, no emotional connections or vocalization. I think this is due to my silent gen parents and how fucking silent they were about emotions. I vowed to reverse this cycle and have done everything I can to love and support him in every way.

However, we had another red flag night where we almost took him to the ER. My wife and I had a long talk with him and I think he's good tonight. We've been in touch with his therapist tonight, have a safety plan and will monitor him.

However, I don't have all of the tools I need to deal with this. I've never felt so hopeless and out of my depth as I have lately. I wasn't taught this language. I feel like I'm mimicking every therapist I've seen on TV, I feel inauthentic and useless to help him. Sorry about the rant. I just want to save my son and feel helpless to do so.