I recently turned 23 and have been reflecting on how I may have let my youth slip by due to repression. Many guys seem to have embraced their freedom and sexual exploration from as early as 18, while I spent those critical years, especially during COVID, in a small town with limited opportunities. Even after the restrictions eased, I found myself staying indoors and not venturing out much.

Now, as I see others on platforms like OnlyFans who started their journeys at 18, I feel a pang of regret for not seizing my youth when I was most desired. Despite looking younger due to delayed puberty that only settled around 19, I can't shake off the feeling of lost time. It's tough watching those younger than me with far more experiences, making me feel like I've just turned 20 instead of 23.

Much of my hesitation stemmed from religious repression and internalized homophobia. I've always believed it's better to regret something I've done rather than regret not doing it at all. This realization is pushing me to take control of my life and embrace my desires without holding back. But now people expect someone my age to know things when I’m completely new to it all.