So I'm new to the polygamy scene. I have a wonderful guy I've been with for 7 years and this year we opened up to the idea of a polyamorous relationship. I was hesitant at first. Had a bad experience in my past when I was younger that was quite toxic and really made me uncomfortable with it for the longest time but we talked about it and I'm very open now to opening myself up to a third person to welcome into our family.

So here's a story for what's been bothering me lately. Back in mid August a close friend of mine had recently broken up with his partner and I basically went full blown drop everything to make sure he's alright. Told him to message me whenever he needs to talk. He was worried we wouldn't be friends anymore since I was friends with his EX first. I assured him that he would always be friends with me and my hubby regardless of his EX. Hell I consider him one of my few closest and best friends in the world. So I told him whenever he likes he can come visit us and we can all relax. I figured he needed a friend or two to cheer him up or just be there for him through this break up. So a few days later he comes over and we're having a good night of takeout food, watching Bob's Burgers and he even cuddles up to me and my hubby and well things happen and we all end up naked together. He was enjoying himself but he definitely had his boundaries up which we respect like no kissing. I mean obvious given what he recently went through.

Something about it that day felt right ya know? All three of us just being ourselves and enjoying our time together like its a normal day. Soon he began visiting a little more here and there for the remainder of august and into september too. Whether it was just to hang out(clothed, semi, or naked), play video games, have sex with my hubby one day that I got to walk in on lol(I was aware of it), or just because he wanted to visit. This keeps going till mid-September where he decides to stay with us for a night and honestly it was the best night of our life.

It felt like that first night he visited again. We relaxed and played video games, chatted, weren't fully clothed, ordered dinner, relaxed, showered together(Me and Him), there even felt like a few really intimate moments between the three of us and since he stayed the night he slept in the same bed with us. Everything just felt so right and so perfect. We had a bad sleep lol the bed wasn't big enough to fit all three of us that well but we tried lol but it felt right. When he had to leave in the morning I was honestly sad he had to go. I didn't want him to. I was so confused with what I was feeling and held off on it for a few weeks until like two weeks ago I finally told my hubby and we both felt the same way.

The night he stayed over was for both of us the moment that said, "He's the one." And we told him our feelings and he was flattered. But it was too late. He was already exploring a poly relationship with another couple by the time we figured out our feelings and confessed. Polyamory is new territory for him as well. He said he get's what we were saying in terms of our feelings but his was under the impression we weren't like that and closed himself off and just enjoyed all the time we spent together. We told him he was the one. The first one we felt was the right one.

I recently learned who the two he's seeing are and honestly I'm happy it's those two out every couple i know where I live I feel happy knowing he's with these two people who I know will treat him with respect and kindness and love that he deserves but at the same time I can't help but feel upset and my heart sink into my stomach and the overwhelming feeling to cry that it couldn't be us he was with. I want him to be nothing more than happy because he has such a wonderful smile but yet at the same time my heart hurts so much just thinking about him now.

I know I should move on since I lost my chance but at the same time I'm angry and upset with myself with how selfish I feel over wanting him with us when I know for a fact all I want is him to be happy with those who make him happy. Thanks for hearing me out with my crazy emotions