I’ve been in a long term relationship with my partner for four years now. It’s been a bumpy four years but I believe we’re better for it. We’ve grown quite a lot and have evolved from an anxious avoidant relationship to a relatively secure one.

Recently he has asked that we open up our relationship. He prefaced this by saying he is comfortable to ask this because he knows he’s never loved anyone more than me and that he can’t think of anyone to have ever made him feel like this in his entire romantic experience, which is why he is secure in wanting to open the relationship because he trusts me this much.

To my mind this entire argument makes zero sense. My brain registers it as: I love you so much and you are the best thing that’s happened to me that I wanna screw around with other people. I cant wrap my mind around the argument.

A bit more background:

We’ve recently went through a rough patch where I’ve been doing all the cleaning, all the cooking, all the grocery shopping, been an emotional support when he needed it, haven’t been withholding sex, yet he tells me he sees me like I’ve mentally checked out, and that he doesn’t feel like I love him anymore. I have never been the guy to overuse the I love you, i say it, but rarely since to me it means a lot saying it, and I show it by the things i do. I believe acts of service is my love language.

Regardless, he said he sees me like I’m checked out and uninvolved, to which I said I am still very much present im just tired with having a life and also constantly being “a maid” as well. I’ve asked for help and he does give it but if the entire kitchen needs scrubbing he’d help for the first 10min and then he’d tap out or get sidetracked and leave me doing the rest.

The first year of the relationship I think was the honeymoon period, and we’ve discussed at length where we stand on monogamy and how we envision this going. At that point it felt like we were on the same boat.

2nd year love goggles started coming off and slowly I started noticing that for the lack of a better word I’m babying a manchild. From cleaning to cooking to washing to grocery shopping- and it surely didnt help that it was mostly out of my own money (we dont have a common budget yet). It is in this year that he started witholding sex for about 7 months where he was visiting a therapist and being severely depressed. He also got diagnosed with ADHD. I pushed through and accepted that we all have ups and downs in what sex drive is concerned.

3rd year his financial situation got a turn for the worse and I ended up helping him more than before. Up to a point where I snapped and demanded that he change jobs and find something he enjoys and pays him fairly. Eventually things picked back up, and he started being more open and finally became the guy I initially fell for. Things were good.

4th year I had a major medical problem and I ended up gaining a lot of weight. Mentally I wasnt/am not doing great. My sexdrive is pretty low and my joy for life kind of in the crapper. With that said I did my best to still be a helpful and supportive partner.

But now he tells me he wants to open up the relationship and that I should see a therapist (the medical event kind of stripped me from my savings so I cant afford it rn). I feel lost, betrayed, and helpless. I feel like in MY moment of need instead of getting support i get a slap in the face and a request to open up the relationship.

Please help me wrap my mind around this. I am not willing to give up monogamy but I also dont want to end this because I do love him.

Any thoughts? Am I in the wrong? Am I the problem? How should I navigate this?