Okay! So I’ll try to make it short but we’ll see. I’m gay and have been since I can remember. I grew up in the church (Parents were pastors) and love the lord through & through. Wouldn’t want to worship no one else. He truly is remarkable and covers my life always. However growing up I was teased and bullied a lot for being “gay” when all I did was watch Disney channel and listen to Beyoncé. Did I find boys cute, yes. But i never dated one even til this day. Middle school is when I suffered more about being gay & Christian. I remember praying and crying so bad asking God to remove it b/c I was tired of being different, not normal and being a disappointment in my parents eyes and God’s. I was about 10 and I was praying and I remember saying Lord I need this removed now because I feel as though my feelings for boys would blossom and grow as I get older. Something I wouldn’t be able to hide anymore. 15 years later nothing lmaoo Over the years I’ve had suicidal thoughts etc I’ve heard people say “well as long as your heart is pure love and not lust for a man meaning sex or no sex & I genuinely love him as a partner then it’s ok. But I’ve heard NO. It’s still wrong cuz you’re practicing it (homosexuality). I’ve been single all my life. I’ve messed around with 5 guys out of my whole life within the span of 7/8 years. Mostly kissing and touching. Haven’t had sex & never felt right doing it cuz there was no true connection. I’m a hopeless romantic so I want the partner in crime, twin flame, soul mate husband. But I love Jesus more and I desperately wanna be in the kingdom of heaven. Whether people think God is real or not is a chance I don’t wanna take. So I’ve recently come to the terms that I may be alone forever. Which hurts cuz I am romantic and wanna have someone to be in love with but I know God wouldn’t be please no mater how genuine the love is or how pure our heart is towards each other. And everyone around me has a partner. Even in elementary school, everyone else got to innocently date but I couldn’t and now being older more into the word. I still feel like I can’t soo I’m just asking for advice from those that can relate 🫶🏽