I seriously feel there's something very wrong with me. People get together and break up. And get together and break up. And get together and break up ALL THE TIME. All my gay friends bounce from one relationship to the next with ease and from one bed to the next like it's the most natural thing in the world and I can't figure out how. I say "my ex" because I really only have one. I have only been in one serious relationship and we were together a long time. We met and fell in love very young 23/20 and I do believe we loved each other, but it was a very toxic environment. In the 25 years we were together we split up many times, but always wound up getting back together, usually only after only a month or two, 9 month being the longest up until this point. Now, we've been apart almost 10 years to the day and I'm still not over it and neither of us have even moved on. He has a fairly serious FWB(a married man, in an open relationship 🙄) and I just sit and stew. I've tried a FWB, but it's not what I wanted and left me feeling empty. I've tried dating, but in this area of the rural state we live, that's extremely difficult. I know I should just pack up and move away and completely start over, but that's expensive and my job and the few friends I have are here. I've been to counseling, no help. Therapists, no help. My family doesn't understand. My friends don't understand. The best we got along was when we tried to be friends and it was going well, until he met his married FWB and our friendship went to shit. I'm getting tired. As of now, I just feel like wasted space. Any help or suggestions or advice will be greatly appreciated.