Here's some context :

For a really long time, i felt like i'm a sub who enjoys bejng dominated. Over the years (I'm 25) i have occassionally been dominated by others online but never in person really. Maybe lightly but not until i met master. We met through recon and had a super intense dom /sub dynamic via snapchat for a week before we met in person. I mean i truly think thats the faggiest i've been in my entire life. When we met in person what happened was great. Super intense. But super fun!

But that Dom / Sub lifestyle consumed me for the week. I couldnt help but think about master. Without any cages, i actually didnt cum for throughout the days i spoke to him online, and it made me super super horny. Literally the only thing i would think about was him. I would do things to please him. Then also intentionally do things to get punishments from him, because his punishments were so hot. Overall it consumed me.

After that, i kinda got busy with work, and i just couldnt continue this intense of a dynamic. Over the last 6 months i've reached out a few times , but i could never amount it to anything concrete because i keep getting scared off how much it consumes me. I cant stay in the dynamic if i cum regularly, but if i dont its going to consume me. I have tried to convince myself that i dont want to serve master but... every once in a while i go back to ny chats and i miss that so much. Idk, how to make this work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.