Before we dive in let's acknowledge that every relationship is different and this is written from the perspective that you know this is your kink before you start the relationship.

As always, this is just advice and is not foolproof. No one here is a trained counselor so seek out professionals for more help if needed. There is nothing wrong with getting counselling if it means your sex life improves.

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0 - 1 years

Honestly, this is the best time to have this conversation. The relationship is still new and fresh with little downsides if things go south. If sex and gangbangs are important to you, make sure to have this conversation before you first have sex. Keyword here is before, not after. After is a lot harder and can sometimes lead to the relationship ending earlier then you desired.

When you have this talk before sex, it becomes normal since you are already talking about your sexual history, previous STD results, and preferences. Just drop in very casually that this is something you enjoy and would like them to do this with you. Let them know that you don't need a decision on how they feel immediately but that this is important and a factor that is not changing for you.

Women, we have a tendency to pull back when we think someone is not going to like us because of what we say. In this moment, stand your ground! And if that person leaves you because of this, then you dodged a bullet. If they can't accept you as who you are, then let them go so there is no chance that anyone tries to change you. There is nothing wrong with you so don't let anyone else convince you that there is when the problem lies with them.

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1 - 3 years

This is still a golden window for having the conversation with your partner. It is not as simple as the 0 -1 yr conversation, but at the same time you haven't invested so much in this relationship that you couldn't let it go if they are not ok that you like gangbangs.

The goal here is still to be open and honest while not expecting them to have an immediate response. The best opportunity to have the conversation right after sex or drop some hints during. You two have established a level of trust so use it. And after sex, you are still feeling that euphoric high and possibly gearing up for another round so perfect time to talk about what you want next.

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3 - 5 years

Let's first congratulate you for being in a (hopefully) healthy relationship this long! In terms of having the "talk", do this during one of your conversations of what does the future look like for the two of you. If you haven't already had a "continued future relationship" talk do that first. Why? Because if the relationship is not going to continue any longer then there is no reason to invest in the time of talking about your interest in gangbangs if they are not going to be the person who does it with you.

If you do have the future talk and you're going to transition to ending your relationship, then you technically could still have the conversation as practice. Also, if the relationship is ending on good terms maybe they can become your trusted watcher. Someone who still cares for you and has your best interest at heart while not wanting to actively participate in sex. A platonic relationship with an ex who can serve in that role saves you time in having to find that person.

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6 years

Alright! Assuming that if you made it this far they are your forever, long term partner then the best time to have the gangbang conversation is the next time that you have sex after you know that this is what you want. This is radically different than the other years for good reason. This is your forever person! You have invested so many years in this relationship. Assuming that you and your partner practice open communication in your relationship, then it should be normal that you have conversation about your sexual preferences, goals, and limits.

If you do not have the kind of open communication already that is needed to have that conversation then its time to return to the basics. Do not just dive into that talk cold. This may blindside your partner and cause more issues than it will solve.

Start small the next time you have sex. Verbally give reassurances that what your partner is doing feels good. Introduce some dirty talk. Surprise them with a role play session. Go to your local adult store to pick up some games to reintroduce communication into your sex life. And if you don't have sex that often, start having more of it. Plan it if you need. There is nothing wrong with knowing that Thursday at 7pm after you've squared away everything in your life is the time you are going to have sex. Your partner may ask where this is coming from so be honest with them - say you want more from your sex life with them and are ready to explore your bodies together on a deeper level.

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Disclaimer: The advice above will not work for everyone.

WHAT? IT WON'T? No, of course it won't. You know your relationship better than the general advice so adjust where needed to accomplish your goal. The common theme through all of this advice is good communication. It is ok to be scared to have the conversation but what is not ok is letting that fear prevent you from saying what you need. If you feel like you can't have these conversations with your partner then you need to ask yourself what is preventing you. One of the main reasons to have a forever partner is that they are the person you can share these things with. And if you cannot share them, you need to ask yourself the hard question of why to seek additional resources to create open communication lines or reassess if this is the relationship you should be sustaining for forever.