Looks like nice community. I was just trying to write my first post ever cause I got something to say.

I was writing all the bullshits about hard time and bla bla bla all the excuses(even when it’s really not excuses)

In 2022 in my 22 years old ,I lost my hard earned 12 000€ on slots in 2 nights 🎰, 2 months later my car for 6 000€ went also salaries almost every time.

1 year later, 2023, circa same time, I had won 12 000€ back on single spin on 50€ bet, I have still all the videos and bank transfer it’s not bullshit. I had total of 14 000€.

What do you think ?

Lost it all in 3 months.

Had zero again, litlle bit of debts, claimed back again, made 2000€ in plus, lost it again in one evening.

All the money went in.

Honestly, I barely remember how much when I did lost, but always when I did, it was all I had.

I can’t describe in how many situations I was that I was think, oh you fucked, from every sites, money or lies or anger… whatever

Every time I climbed back and did even more and every time I lost everything.

Year 2024, gambling 🎰 all the time, losing.. just surviving.

September 2024, got in trouble with apartment, I took loan 3000€, spend almost everything on deposit.

Barely have money, surviving all October, yesterday I went to casino and won 3 000€,

Do you think I left ? I should have payed my loan now.

And now ? Day later ?

November 2024, I need another 1 000€ for rent. I have 1,3€ in wallet.

This is all I have.

After count, I lost 47 000€, I have all the bank transfer all the cash. I don’t even count it.

I’m 24 years old, I’m not in Mama hotel, I moved alone to Germany when I was 20 and I’m living alone from my 17.

I had money not always from regular job, you know.

I totally wasted(lost) 4 years of my life, in one hand I’m extremely smart and in other hand, I’m totally dumb. I was living with 4 people in one room, I was sleeping 1 month in car, sleeping in cheap hostels, how many times pasta just with butter, same old shoes,broken phone,lacking self respect, lying.. I don’t know what all…

I can’t tell you how much money I lost, it was really lot.

It’s hurting so much ,you can believe me I totally kicked out my best years of my life,totally desocialized. I used to be nice guy, now even real smile is fake,through pain. I can’t even smile. I have sour face, I’m ugly, believe me people can see pain of self mistake,self ashamed.

The worst are the flashbacks,yeah I can say, all the wasted time and lost potential. All the lies, nobody from my family now.

But this is all crying , guys I’m sorry but most of you posts are just crying, I’m not trying to dehonest you, I just want to tell you that only you are holding your life and your hands. Where you aim it, there we go.

I never had nothing from winnings, even when I buyed something, later I sold it.

Today I made decision and I contacted the professional help. Universität-Berlin-Charité-gambling-recovery.

I’m trying to be not ashamed, it’s hard but I know I’m doing right thing.

I want to be a MAN and fights with my something what is not in my control, I can’t just play and cry, I’m too young.

I can tell you I felt this 5 years what I’m playing a lot(before I was playing but not that much) like it was 15 years, like I got old. Empty days, empty nights.

If I will recover from that, I will take over a world because nobody can beat you once you beat yourself.

Only one good thing on all of that is you know what ? That I know I can live even with nothing and I am strong person , no money are important and all this rat race 💴,I always wanted more,playing 5,15,25,50€ stakes.

Attitude is important , attitude ,how you treat other, how you treat your self, how you riding on that wave called life.

I really wish I will accomplish my dream.