It was late on a dusty afternoon, and it was just me, Johnny Walker, and a pile of unpaid bills taller than the bottle. I couldn’t do anything about the bills, but I was doing my best with the liquor.

Then he walked in. He had shoulders so broad, he had to turn sideways to stay in the same time zone. Big, strong hands; the kind that grab on and don’t let go. And deep, dark eyes that pulled you in and made you not care about falling.

He said he was looking for a dick. I told him that was two of us. He looked confused. He didn’t seem to get the joke. I couldn’t tell if he was just playing dumb, or living it. But when a man looks as handsome as he does, he doesn’t need to have a lot inside his head. His looks and body can get a woman to pay his bills for him.

So I suppose it was her money that he put down on the desk in front of me, right between the bottle and the bills. From the look of it, it would take care of getting a lot more of the first, and paying off all of the second. I wondered what woman the money had come from.

“It’s my wife,” he said, as if reading my mind. “I think she’s trying to kill me.”

Sometimes pretty little boys like this get strange notions into their heads. Imagination or not, his money was real enough. And I couldn’t help falling for the lost, fearful look he had in his eyes.

“I’ll protect you,” I said, opening a desk drawer and putting the money into it. I pulled out two glasses from the same drawer, blowing the dust out of them before setting them down. Then I poured us both a healthy amount of whisky, hoping he didn’t notice the lipstick on the mouth of the bottle. But really, all I could think about was making all kinds of interesting lipstick marks on all the best parts of his body.

Full Script Here

I wrote this script years ago, and was actually just thinking of it recently. It had a good reception when I originally posted it. When I heard about this wonderful brand new subreddit, something told me this story might be a good fit for it.

It's set in the 1940s or so, but in my mind it's a world where the gender roles were reversed, so that we have a tough woman detective and the homme fatale as her client. It's maybe not accurately to call him that, as he's pretty harmless. But I do love the phrase.

If anyone wishes to make changes to this if they're going to record it, please feel free to do so. I've never liked the title of this but haven't really come up with anything better, so feel free to change that or anything else.