Hey there! What's up? Do you need a little help getting PUMPED UP to have SCHEDULED SEX with someone you would like to conceive a child with? Is the grind of - checks notes - "infertility, an incurable medical condition that no one really knows the etiology of" - getting you down?

That's okay, I'm here now! Yeah!

Let's shoot some representations of your infertility struggles with a metaphorical gun, and then why don't you have a super-secret sneaky orgasm with no semen or sperm in sight, you naughty thing, you.

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"I'm so tired tonight, honey."

"I just took an ovulation test and it's positive."

"....OK. Let me splash some water on my face."

​

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CWs galore

The structure of this is thinking about representations of shitty elements of infertility (as opposed to the... great parts of an incurable medical condition) and shooting them with a gun. While also thinking about Reasons Why This Might He Happening To You. Then you release all that bad energy, spit out those bad demons, they're not real. Then you get to fuck yourself!

But these bad thoughts, these bad demons, are indeed talked about quite extensively. It's quite possible no one should ever read this, look at it, voice act, or listen to it. Enjoy!

CW names used: >! whore !< >! frigid !< >! bitch !<

CW concepts

Maybe this is happening to you because >! you spent you twenties studying, or working, you selfish little brat !<

Maybe this happening to you because >! you're a whore !< maybe this is happening because >! you're frigid !< (including discourse about >! how having an orgasm helps you conceive a child and how this is hard if you're struggling to come frequently !<)

Maybe this is a good thing that this is happening to you because >! the earth cannot sustain more children !< including discourse about international adoption >! being neo-colonialist and the concept of 'buying a child' !< and fostering children >! preying on marginalized people and their pain !<

Maybe this is happening to you because >! you're mentally ill !< and >! would screw up a child anyway !<

How fucking maddening it is when you have friends, who are probably really nice, but they appear to >! get knocked up when being within spitting distance of, like, one spermatozoa. !<

Other things discussed:

This one: >! Long wait lists at fertility clinics !<

And this >! "Ticking Clock" Discourse !<

And even this >! Exhaustion of sleeping with your partner !<

And this really obnoxious one >! Pleas to change your diet dramatically, 'give up sugar' 'eat clean food' !<

And finally, the most terrible one, considering, >! Pleas to 'just relax' !<