working title [gentleman] turns into [hard mdom][BDSM]talks about [traffic light system][masturbastion][fingering][overstimulation][check-ins] one [belt slap][fucking][condom]listenr orgasms][speaker orgasms][sweet aftercare]

Hi there! so i just wanted some advice on a script i've nearly finished.

i wanted to try and write something multilingual and, well, came up with this. It's still in the editing phase so it's not finished or formatted.

But i've never done a multilingual script, so i'm not sure if this works? i'd like to make it work,but at the same time i don't want to make something cringey or just plain bad. I've been making an plain version too that i'll link, cause i just can't decide which one to focus on.

Oh and it's rather long too. The multilingual is at 2600, while the English one's at 2400.

So yeah, if anyone could give me some advice on...well, anything, it 'd be an utter godsend.

Oh, and if you're not comfortable leaving a comment, you can DM me any advice as well! :)

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multilingual version

plain version

Edit: sorry, I forgot to put the tags in the title, but I can't change it so I've put them in the body up the top!