Hello Everyone! my name is Amby, and I've recently been super into reading scripts and listening to some amazing audios, and finally decided to venture out and write my own!

I've been listening to audios for almost a year now, after a shocking discovery on YT, that led me here. This was only suppose to be kind of like a secret nobody-has-to-know account, but, now I want to be involved and actually engage with the community on here. This community of people feel super welcoming and supportive, and I want a bit of that too!

I've been working on my script for about three weeks now. After some stressful nights and very upsetting writer's block, I've finished! I've never written a script before, so bear with me.

I'm in need of some feedback. This is my first ever time writing really anything to this degree. I've read it probably 50 times, but I worry that I'm making it sound good in my head and it actually doesn't. I want to know if it's good to post or if I should definitely go back and fix up some things.

Here it is!!!!

The things I'm conerned about:

1. Overall plot - is the plot good, or is it confusing? I get the impression that I might have added too much detail to the plot that was only suppose to be speaker falls for his daughter's babysitter. Does it need fixing, or am I just overthinking?
2. Word Count - I read where most people won't fill scripts if they're too long and mine is around 3.1k words. does that mean my script will probably less than likely be used, or should I not worry about it? If so, is there something I could cut out of the script to increase the probability of it being filled?
3. Praising - So, I wanted this script to really be centered around the listener and their needs. Again, I feel like I didn't do enough to really showcase that. How can I improve it?
4. The convo - does the script sound natural? Like, does the conversation that they're having sound like it could be an actual conversation or does it sound too robotic? Too not-natural?
5. Dirty Talk - Yeah, it's a lot harder than it sounds. I thought the dirty talk would be the easy part, but instead, it's what kept me up at night. Does it sound again, natural? Or is too forced?
6. Improv - I feel like I give a good amount of improv, but maybe it could be a bit too much? I want the speaker to have as much room to do what they like, but I also don't want it to look like lousy writing if I'm making the speaker come up with half the convo.
7. Title - This is probably the one thing that I really like, but it might be a little vague. Does it need more umph, maybe to read more of the plot, or is it good where it's at?
8. Tags - I think I did really good with tagging, but I do feel like I'm missing something. Please let me know if there are more tags that would be of good use!
   

If there is anything else, please lmk!

​

Thank you!