I think we can all agree that 2020 is off to a less-than-auspicious start. With that in mind, I thought I'd tweak a recent shitpost perfectly legitimate script of mine to deal with the one topic that's on everyone's minds these days. Presenting the return of "2 Bros":

2 bros chillin' in a hot tub, 5 feet apart 'cause they're NOT gay, and also because of Social Distancing (tm)

In all seriousness, though, please take good care of yourselves and each other. Stay safe. Hope this gives some people a few laughs, at least. Cheers!

Disclaimer: This is a fantasy shitpost by a supposed adult, written for an adult audience only. All bros depicted are 18 or over. A performance of this script should only be attempted by licensed bro-fessionals.

Looking for more scripts to play with? You might find something entertaining in here.

SCRIPT: "2 bros chillin' in a hot tub, coronavirus edition"

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(Sound of water calmly splashing against the banks of an outdoor hot tub. A jet massager is running quietly in the background.)

Bro 1: Man, this is the life.

Bro 2: You said it, bro.

Bro 1: Here we are, just two best buds, chillin' in a hot tub, soaking up the sun while knocking back some cold, domestic brewskis, and generally just hanging out together in a completely hetero manner, while maintaining a Standard Bro Distance of 5 feet from one another at all times. Also, so we don't get each other infected with coronavirus, 'cause we're socially responsible like that.

Bro 2: ...Bro, why are you talking so weird?

Bro 1: Um... I dunno. I just felt like saying that out loud for some reason.

Bro 2: Oh... cool.

(Sound of jacuzzi continues in background during a brief moment of silence.)

Bro 2: Y'know, if we weren't taking the mandatory bro-cautions, this'd be kinda gay, huh?

Bro 1: (Shrugs) Yeah, I guess. Not a problem for us, though. 'cause we're not gay.

Bro 2: True. And it's not like we could do anything gay together even if we wanted to, because we're social distancing right now.

Bro 1: Damn straight. Social distancing is *very* not gay.

Bro 2: Yep. (Sips beer.)

Bro 1: Yep. (Sips beer as well.)

(Brief silence. Sound of bottles clinking as they make a toast.)

Bro 1: Whoa, sorry. Didn't mean to break the distance rule, bro.

Bro 2: It's cool, bro. No need to worry about anything gay happening.

Bro 1: Nope. Not with the two of us.

Bro 2: Might wanna keep our distance because of the virus, though.

Bro 1: (Slightly disappointed) Yeah... because of the virus.

Bro 2: (After a pause) This'd be a sweet place to have sex, though, right?

Bro 1: Oh, most def. Shame there aren't any hot chicks around. Not that we could mess around with them, either, 'cause...

Bro 2: Yeah, yeah... no need to remind me. It's, like, the only thing anyone's even talking about these days, bro.

Bro 1: Sorry, bro. Didn't mean to bring the mood down.

Bro 2: Nah, it's good, bro.

(Pause)

Bro 2: I mean... we could just do it with each other, y'know? I mean, if we were gay or something.

Bro 1: Sure. I mean, if we WERE...

Bro 2: Yeah, if we WERE...

Bro 1: Which we're *NOT*.

Bro 2: Definitely not.

Bro 1: But if we WERE...

Bro 2: And we weren't, like, forced to social distance ourselves right now... like... that'd be totally hot. Just gettin' it on right here, right now, two naked, sexy bodies melding in the hot water and the sunshine.

Bro 1: Bro... that sounds really hot. I mean, that WOULD sound really hot. Um, if I was into that... And we didn't need to keep our distance...

Bro 2: (Nervously) Um... y-yeah, same. Which I'm not... And we should definitely keep our distance.

Bro 1: Because of the pandemic.

Bro 2: Yep, because of the pandemic.

(Another pause)

Bro 1: Y'know, I hear people talking about how alcohol kills the bug.

Bro 2: Huh... that true?

Bro 1: Dunno. But if it is, we doing our part right now by knockin' back some cold ones together in a totally het and also socially responsible manner.

Bro 2: Yep.

Bro 1: Y'know... I also hear that sex kills the bug.

Bro 2: Really?

Bro 1: Yep, like having loads and loads of sex or whatever. Kills the coronavirus stone cold dead, is what I hear.

Bro 2: Huh... it's too bad that we can't have sex right now. I mean, with chicks, obviously, not with each other.

Bro 1: Well, yeah. Obviously.

Bro 2: (Nodding) *Obviously*.

Bro 1: But we gotta do our part, you know? Wash our hands regularly, keep physical contact with other people to a minimum, help flatten the curve and all that shit. (Looking out into the distance, towards some imaginary audience) This is also true of anyone who might be listening in on us. Be smart about this stuff, folks, and follow the guidelines set forward by your local health-care professionals. Stay safe, dudes and dudettes.

Bro 2: ...Bro, why you always talkin' so weird? (Sigh) Can't we just have sex already or something?

Bro 1: (Sipping beer) Two weeks, bud. Just two more weeks. Hang in there.

(Fade out to splashing of waves and beers being knocked back, as our two bros continue to maintain a respectful distance of five feet from one another. For health reasons, obviously.)