I curse you

I curse you with the memory of my hair, wrapped around your cock

As I kissed each of your hip bones, white as gravestones

I curse you with the memory of my voice, too loud for the pillow

To muffle, so loud we drew a crowd that stood and listened to my moans

I curse you

I curse you with all the poems I wrote to you, for you, about you, on you

With my tongue and my hands and each song that was sung for you

I curse you with rainwater, with cum, with blood and ink and dew and then

but then

but then I'll save you

Because who the fuck am I kidding. I love you

I will always love you

and I am cursed because I live without you

I am cursed to cum without you

I am cursed to breathe without you

I am cursed to write this poem and to read it to myself

I am cursed to post it here on this anonymous internet shelf

and the truth is

the truth

I don't even want to break it. I don't ever want to live a life

without your name on my lips, without the moon as my wife

without you, my curse, you

I curse you, I do

But here, every moment, every second, you are my curse, too.