[m4a] Ori Answering Brainy's U NEVER FORGET UR FIRST questionnaire

The questionnaire! https://www.reddit.com/r/GWABackstage/comments/66egec/f4a_brainys_you_never_forget_your_first/ Warning: my answers may trigger bad memories and uneasy feelings. My "first time" includes my first foreplay with my first love and the first anal sex in a gay bath house that haunted me for years. I shall divide the answers into the SWEET & NIGHTMARE catergories.

How old were you? 19

Who were you with?/What was the nature of your relationship? (friend, SO, random hook-up)

Sweet: my first love, he was my senpai in my major. We knew each other through the small college gay circle.

Nightmare: a random attractive guy from a typical gay bath house visit.

Were you in love? Did you think you were in love?

Sweet: of cos we were in love. Or I thought we were. I was just too excited to have arhieved my target: falling in love with a college senior like the love novels I grew up with XD

Nightmare: of cos NOT. It was just a casual sex in a bath house!

How long had you known each other/been together?

Sweet: A few months? I was a freshman :) I was the one that started the affair. Love is a battlefield and u hv to charge for ur man ;) I guess it was within the first week of our love :P

Nightmare: mins? seconds? That guy just picked me from the steam room or dark room? I don't even remember his face since the lights were too dim.

What expectations did you have? What informed these expectations?

Both: I thought I was going to be conquered, taken with care by strong men in their loving arms and ripped muscles XD Watched too much gay porn of US and Japan XDDDD Ah.... and all those love novels I grew up with in high school XD I used to read 3 novels on a daily basis ;)

Where were you? (bed, floor, car, outside)

Sweet: senpai's room in hostel! And it was school day, not weekend!

Nightmare: one of the small rooms where actions happen

What was the context? (On a date? At a party? A special occasion?)

Sweet: Probably senpai picking me up from library after lectures.

Nightmare: I had just reached legal age and a friend of my same age gay buddies opened a gay bath house. We were given 1 month free pass XD So, we visited almost daily :P And I needed it since it was a few months after my first break up.

How did you feel? (Nervous, excited, scared shitless, eager, horny)

Sweet: nervous & excited since it was my first time on holding a cock which is not mine XD Awkward & disappointment since my senpai did not have a ripped body XD I was too posioned by the gay porn that the tops have to be fit, gym toned while the bottoms had to be skinny twinks XD Dangerous for we almost got caught by hi roommate who returned early!!!

Nightmare: excited for being picked by an attractive with a super hot lean muscular body; horror, shame and guilty for over 10 years afterwards, a huge mental scar on my mind as well as my sex life.

Did it hurt? How did you feel afterwards? (disappointed, ecstatic, confused, overwhelmed, elated?)Did you tell anyone afterwards? Who? Why?

Sweet: Nope, since all we managed to do was foreplay and starting to undress :P Then we hurry up to get dressed as we hear walking steps coming toward our room!

Nightmare: HURT LIKE HELL to both body and soul. Ur dream type of muscle men pushed and pinend u on the floor, tried to screw it all in without any lube and foreplay! Though I managed to get him wearing a condom, he didn't pay attendsion to it was my first anal sex. He kissed a little then just push it all in and fucked like a male dog in heat! He compliamented my ass was so tight. Of cos it was tight u jerk! It was a virgin ass!

And then my ass suddenly feel so warm, I knew it was my ass bleeding! However, I was too weak against a gym rat like him... I could not push him over. All I could do was scream in pain... and the ppl out there thought I was being dramatic...

He came a few mins later inside me, then open the door, showered up & left without a trace in world record time. I could barely walk, regardless of the dimmed light, I could see big ponds of red on the white towel. I rushed to the toilet to stop the bleeding, then shower up and req more towels.

That's when my buddies show up and I had to explain it was not moaning in escatsy but in pain. Though reporting sexual assult means death penalty for the bath house, they suggested I should do it. However, I could not recall the man's face at all, besides, I was not ready to be under the spotlight of media!

It took over 10 years for me to open up to a friend who works in local LGBT NGO, and even more years before I can tell it to my current bf.

Had the two of you previously discussed having sex together? Was the encounter planned or spontaneous? Was there a “trigger event” that set things in motion? (a kiss, a look, a dance, a conversation)

Sweet: we did not really discussed though I told him the anal sex has to wait for I wanted to gift my virginity (ass) in LTR: life time relationship. However, senpai played the guiltar and a few love songs set the mood so right for me to go exploring his body and unzip his pants to reach for his cock LOL

Nightmare: may be I was too classic campy, sissy that fits into the idea of preys?

Do you remember what you and your partner were wearing?

Sweet: nope.

Nightmare: just big white towels around our waists?

Was there music playing? If so, do you remember the song?

Sweet: There were some love songs in Mandarin played and sung by senpai :) The lyrics were about the man comforting his lover from all the insecurities :) Goodbye Girl was the song of our first love :)

Nightmare: some usual techno music?

Did you use protection? Who was responsible for it? How did that work out?

Sweet: nope! It was just foreplay! We had to get dressed and pretend senpai is helping me on the assignments since his roommate returned early XD

Nightmare: Safer Sex or no sex! I insisted him to wear a condom. Should had scream and yell for help actually!

Did you come? Did your partner? Did you come together?

Sweet: come on, it's just foreplay only!

Nightmare: he came, I'm left like a used sex doll

What did you do together immediately afterwards? (talk, cuddle, sleep, go out?)

Sweet: getting dressed!

Nightmare: soak the blood with the towel and try to stop the bleeding

What was your relationship going forward? Are you still in touch with your first partner?

Sweet: we ended a few weeks later, it was our first and last real dinner date in downtown. Senpai said it was unfair for me to be used by him as a substitube lover. I didn't know we started right after his first break up -___- We lost contact after his graduation and I saw him only once in a gay bathouse many years later.

Nightmare: u mean my relationship with my poor ass? Well, even since that day, I bottomed less than 10 times in 20 years. And my buddies couldn;t understand why I mostly watch solos in gay porn until I opened up a few years ago.

If you could do it over, would you change anything? If you could send a message back to your virgin self, what would you want them to know about sex?

Gay sex is not just anal sex baby boy! And baby girl.... u r not a broken dirty doll!