I'm tired of the bullshit, this is me being honest & raw

--For starters, I'm 31 years old and I've only ever been in one relationship. People ask me "why" all the time and honestly I ask myself that almost every day. It's something I've reflected on constantly. I wonder if I just suck at picking people. I wonder why I allow things in-person that I would never allow online. I feel safe with the ability to truly think and edit through text. I grew up an only child and the adults barely ever had time or energy for me so I spent a lot of time online. I didn't have the worst childhood but it wasn't the best and I've been diagnosed with PTSD. I don't usually tell people that so openly.. not that I withhold the information.. but I didn't ever usually say it in that way because I never had an official diagnosis (until recently). I honestly didn't realize how traumatic shit was as a child until recently. Now, I'm in a much better place but I've struggled to find my footing as a financially stable adult. I'm way more financially stable than most of my family. I even financially take care of my mom but she recently got on SSI so that will take a lot of stress off me. Right now I'm currently dealing with this freedom to really do whatever I want... and having no one to do it with... but the stress of in-person dating is just something I can't mentally handle right now. I've never been taken on a real date. I've never been spoiled. I've never been taken care of. I nannied for many years and taking care of my mom for a few years.. I wouldn't change any of it... but I'm getting exhausted taking care of everyone else around me.. and now I'm like getting up there in age... and idk if I will ever start a family of my own. So I really just want someone to learn to understand me.. who wants to get to know me, respect me and who thrives off helping me make my life better... and who wants to see me succeed. Someone who appreciates my emotional growth and the fact that I'm always there for people who are there for me. I am extremely genuine and loyal. I will be there for you whenever you need me and you can open up to me about absolutely anything. Even the shit you wouldn't tell your therapist haha