Hello ladies (cringe!) I was sat wondering how to start such a personal and in-depth post, one that will likely not resonate with a lot of readers, most of who will be scammers/OF pages 😂 so I thought why not start with a bit of humour, apologies!

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ SEXUAL ABUSE

I'll preface this by saying I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for, a chat, a meet, to hear about others' experience, maybe all of the above. So with that, a little about me.

I'm 32M, who went on a journey of self-discovery under the guidance of a therapist. When I was in my teens exploring sexually, as we all did, I never really thought about tendencies or fantasies or why I preferred what I did. But in my mid twenties, I thought more about this. I realised in the past that I'd been sexually abused, but I didn't really think it had affected me as an adult other than maybe giving me some specific kinks that I fantasised about. My therapist really helped highlight other behaviours and also come to terms with the extent of what happened to me, by the person my parents often trusted to take care of me (babysitter). The abuser was eventually convicted and sent to prison as I was not the only victim, and someone's parents found out and came forward. The abuser died a few years ago, the reason I found out? I went to visit the grave of a loved one who passed, and their grave was in the same grave yard, I spotted it on the way out. And I really wasn't sure how that made me feel. I've discussed with my therapist various aspects of the effects, including sexual kinks etc, and they made me feel very normal after having felt ashamed for a long time. And more recently suggested that I try and work through some of the trauma by realising some if the fantasies in a safe space in order to take back some control. "How the hell am I going to do that" was my first thought. And I still don't really have a clue. But I thought I'd start by reaching out here, has anyone else ever has a similar experience? Has anyone wondered why they find certain fantasies so hot etc? And has anyone worked through this with someone? I'd love to hear from you! If I ever did meet up it would be with a woman, so I hope to hear back from someone that could maybe lead to helping explore together in a safe environment (for both of us!), but equally if you're a guy reading this and want to reach out just to chat about your experience, I'd be happy to chat. And if you read this and think about sending me a message, but hold off for whatever reason (what if he isn't into my kinks? What if he thinks our age isn’t compatible? What if he doesn't like my body type? Does it matter if I haven't suffered abuse and just want to chat about my kinks?) Just shoot me a message, there's no expectation, no pressure, and absolutely no judgement whatsoever. You never know what could come of it!

If you've made it this far, congratulations, and thanks for hearing me out! For anyone who's suffered abuse, I'm so sorry, it wasn't your fault, just know you are deserving of love, of respect, and it does get better with help and time.

P.S. though I really don't expect masses of messages, if you do drop me a message and it takes me a few days to respond, don't worry about it, I just don't come on Reddit loads. If I start chatting with someone that might change, but I'm not on here checking messages/posts all that often.