Yes, YOU!

I’m Mark - a 34 year old Aussie (though am moving to the UK after Christmas!); bit of a neurospicy dork with a ridiculous sense of humour, bunch of fun tattoos, a love of all animals, and passion for a cheeky nap & adventures.

I decided to do something a little different here and add a journal entry from earlier in the year as a comment on this post to let you inside of my head…

I usually work shift work and keep weird hours but am a pretty consistent communicator (text, voice notes, phone calls, I’m easy!), and I am also studying as well (Mental Health) - though right now I’ve taken a break from work for a month to housesit for my best friend while she’s on her honeymoon.. I am pretty easily entertained in my down time; I enjoy playing some games (PC/Xbox - currently alternating between Silent Hill 2, Ark, and Palworld but really want to start Stardew Valley with someone 🥺), binge watching tv shows (currently enjoying From, 911, Greys Anatomy, Evil, and a few others), road trips and adventures with my dog, travelling, working out, reading, writing, photography, seeing friends, all the normal things I guess! ☺️

I’m very passionate about psychology, personal growth & healing and am a huge fan of authenticity & self awareness - as well as open & honest communication. 🥵 I love nothing more than just chilling and laughing with good vibes & great people. Have been described as down to earth, non judgmental with a heart of gold, and probably a bit of an oversharer - but I’ll blame the AuDHD for that last one 🙈 haha.

I’m hoping genuine connection & real conversation still exists, and would low key love a reason to smile at my phone when it lights up with your messages! 🤭

I’m a dual British & Australian citizen and an down to chat to anyone from anywhere! ✈️ Bonus points for Aus, NZ or UK but will talk to the right person from anywhere! 😉

PS - enjoy the dog tax on the Imgur link! 🥰

The promised Journal Entry: (Welcome to inside of my head)

It’s the end of my first week in hospital. I never saw myself in a place like this. But I’m thankful I pay for private hospital (though them charging $30k for 3 weeks seems a bit steep!). Also incredibly thankful I’m not in a public system and had the opportunity to admit myself here for some respite and just learn to manage some of the distress. Didn’t realise how much I’d actually burned myself out by trying to keep her alive. It’s like a hotel and is actually pretty cool?

But this week in the little group sessions, I have heard so many people talk about relationships and sharing a life with their partner.. but the way they talk about them isn’t really.. that? There’s so much insecurity, controlling behaviour, lack of communication and trust.. there’s so much pain.

To me, sharing a life isn’t about loving someone and sharing living space with them, it’s so so much more than that.

Sharing a life is about a genuine and powerful romantic connection being nurtured, explored, nourished, appreciated, respected and never taken for granted. It’s about having a best friend you want around for everything because they make you feel like the luckiest person in the world and make you want to be the best version of yourself every day. It’s about them being the other piece of your puzzle that makes you feel whole. It’s about sharing dreams and goals and working as a united pair to achieve them. But also understanding your partner’s personal little daily life hurdles and identifying whose strengths help the others weaknesses and utilising that and not making the other feel inferior or “less than” for it. It’s about celebrating individual goals and encouraging your partner to achieve them because her goals ARE my goals. And my goals are hers.

It’s about that person undoubtedly being the first person you want to share good news with, or share something funny or weird that happened in your day. It’s about your face lighting up when you see them get excited about telling you something they love even if you don’t understand why that particular eyeliner being on sale is such a big deal lol.

I don’t want 50/50 - that’s unreasonable. I believe both people should communicate and put in what they can at the time and that is a constant variable to never be forgotten; If she’s having a hard day and says “_I only have 20% in me today, I just feel so overwhelmed_” I respond with “_no issues, I’ve got the 80% today - we got this! Is there anything I can do to help you?_” And she might say “_I know it’s my turn to tidy the kitchen but if you could help that’d make it a lot more manageable_” and me being me would say “_why don’t you just rest for a bit and I’ll do it and make you a cup of tea before I head off for work?_”

Boom. 100% achieved.

Life is getting done!

No one taken for granted.

No one feeling resent. No one complaining.

So what do I want?

I miss authentic intimacy.

I miss a genuine connection and companionship.

I miss having someone to spoil in my own way, to talk to about anything and everything, to go on adventures with, and cuddle up to at night and watch tv with.

I miss it all. I want it all.

So again, what do I want?

Well earlier today, I wrote you a letter:

I want YOU.

I don’t know who you are.

But I have to believe you exist.

I don’t know how we will meet, or when.

But I know we will get along really well, and have similar core values.

I know you’ll be open and honest and a great communicator, and help me foster a safe and healthy space for us, where we’ll feel comfortable just being ourselves.

I know you’ll have eyes that’ll take my breath away, and a smile that’ll make me struggle to resist ever saying “no” to you.

You’ll be someone looking for the same thing as me;

I know you’ll want genuine companionship.

You’ll want to spend time hanging out in our down time.

You’ll enjoy chilling as much as getting out.

You’ll want to truly get to know each other.

You’ll believe in being a team.

You’ll enjoy exploring each other’s desires and curiosities.

You’ll want to go on little adventures and enjoy life with someone you can build a real friendship with, and trust.

You’ll probably have had shit partners before like I have, too.

And you’ll know that you deserve better than you’ve had and you’ll see that in me as I will in you.

You’ll want me.

We will want us.

I’m focusing on rebuilding myself for a while.. but I look forward to you walking into my life when you do, sweetheart