Introduction:

Advance warning, this is gonna be a long post, because I want to get as much info down about who I am and what I'm looking for as I can. I don't really expect this will lead to many responses, but also feel it would be foolish to not even try. I'm also posting this on an account that hasn't been used much, because friends and family know my main and this is obviously pretty personal. Once we've been talking for a while I'll be happy to give info on my main account.

The dynamic I'm looking for:

I'll preface all of this by saying this isn't M4FF for the cliche reason of "multiple women hot" - that doesn't even play a part. The reason for this is I've been on a deep journey of self-discovery lately, and have come to know myself better than ever. I am more aware than ever of who I am, and the virtues and shortcomings others may see in myself. The reason for my interest in poly is because I have seen, both in my own monogamous relationships and those of others around me, that there almost always comes a point where someone's partner is not able to provide for them everything they need to feel cherished, be that due to differences in emotional openness, how they approach issues, how they wish to distribute time together vs alone, incompatible sex drives, or a whole host of other reasons. Many couples manage to overcome these differences and have extremely fulfilling monogamous relationships - but I don't want to run the risk of someone I love having to settle like that. It's become apparent to me that these slight incompatibilities which are likely to crop up in any relationship can be devastating for the overall strength of the bond, and I'd rather mitigate the risk of that where possible. The reason I am interested in poly, then, is because I want my partner/s to feel enriched and fulfilled by their relationship, and it seems to me that this is more likely achieved with three partners than with two; where dynamics between any two of the three may lead to an element of lack of fulfilment, the dynamic with the third would hopefully be able to fulfil the needs that the other partner is not able to do so. As for why specifically FF, to be blunt I have no attraction to men, and my desire for this relationship is for all participants to love each other equally. Beyond that, I am also aware that despite my own lack of interest in the same sex, others may not feel the same way, and it may be preferable for them to have both a male and female partner (for various needs, be they emotional, physical or otherwise).

All relationships with any other people are composed of various levels of a number of different attractions: romantic, sexual, sensual, emotional and aesthetic to name but the most common. Some of these are entirely platonic, others less so, but the balance of them all determines the nature of the relationship, be that a friend, acquaintance, lover or family member. We also each have different needs for the extent to which we need all of these to be filled by a partner. Sadly, a mismatch in any of these can have devastating long-term effects: if one partner in a couple has a very high need for sensual connection (eg a lot of cuddling or hand holding) while the other finds these unnecessary or even unpleasant, long-term this can lead to the partner with the higher need feeling unwanted or undesired even if all other elements are at roughly the same level. Similarly, one partner may have a need to be extremely emotionally open with the other and have this be a mutual interaction, while the other may prefer to deal with things independently, which could cause their partner to feel like they aren't trusted enough to be vulnerable with. As another example, we've all heard stories of how a couple, seemingly perfect in other ways, has an incompatibility when it comes to sex drive or preferences, and this creates issues with their dynamic. The chances of finding someone who requires the same levels of each of these needs is fairly low, and while obviously many do manage it, it has caused me issues in the past. When a third partner is introduced, it seems likely to me that this could drastically mitigate some of the issues mismatches in these areas could cause a couple. As an extremely poor analogy, picture how much stronger triangle shapes are when supporting bridges than alternatives.

So that's all a pretty long preamble to explain why I have come to the conclusion that a polycule is the relationship type that would be most desirable for me. I recognise it certainly won't be for everyone, but that's where I'm at. If anyone has any questions about this, please feel more than free to DM me - I am happy to discuss my thoughts with anyone. With the dynamic I'm looking for out of the way then, it's probably time to discuss who I am and what I bring to the table.

Who I am:

I'm a 28 year old guy from south-east London (happy to be more specific after we've been talking for a bit). I currently run my own business, though I am slowly wrapping this up because I am looking to move onto something more rewarding and fulfilling where I can feel like I'm making more of a positive difference for society. I own my own home, and feel I have achieved a good degree of financial independence for my age, though there is always work to be done. I have realised that while I value that independence, my priority will always be on maximising the time I can spend on my own endeavours (be they relationships, self-improvement, rest & relaxation or anything else) over trying to majorly excel professionally. I am not averse to hard work, but I have to feel like it's worthwhile, either for me or things that I care about, and not just a way to line the pockets of someone far richer. I have a pet dog (who shares the bed with me, and will continue to do so so I hope you're ok with that!), and currently live with my brother and a housemate. Both of my parents passed away when I was younger, which was obviously very sad, but has fostered in me an independence which has done me well into adult life. Also, you don't need to worry about awkward meetings with the in-laws, lucky you! To deal with losing them, along with some other traumas throughout my life, I have been in therapy in the past - this is part of what has allowed me to introspect on myself and know who I am to the extent that I have, and it has been an extremely valuable tool. I continue to improve in knowing myself as time passes, and honestly I'm pretty excited to see where it leads. Intellectually I'm a bit of a science lover (some would say I'm a bit of a nerd), and while I have a great appreciation of the arts, I am not particularly artistic myself. I do, as mentioned though, have a great appreciation of them, and am able to experience genuine happiness and excitement for the artistic endeavours of those I am close to. Physically, I'm 5'10" (1.78m) tall, weigh about 85kg (and dropping - a little overweight currently but the trajectory is right), and have very light skin, blue eyes, and currently shaved very short blond hair. I'm happy to discuss NSFW characteristics, but let's keep those for private messages rather than here - and no, I won't be sharing NSFW photos and wouldn't expect you to either unless you are, for whatever reason, especially keen to do so. As for SFW photos, I'm happy to exchange these after talking for a little bit, but I'd like to get to know you a little bit first. Aside from my interest in the sciences (chemistry, biology, physics, psychology, philosophy, sociology etc), I also have the same typical hobbies as most: gymming, TV and movies, video games, music, theatre etc, and some other things like archery (although it's rare I can do it), football, rugby, chess, board games, D&D, travel, and general socialising. I'm happy to talk more on any of these and any hobbies privately. Politically I'm pretty strongly left-wing and liberal (basically I think the government should largely stay out of people's lives other than for providing a strong safety net for those who need it, and investing a lot in healthcare and infrastructure), but I'm not going to judge you for being apolitical or right-wing, just don't be a bigot. I am an atheist. Sexually, I'm pretty vanilla, though I'm open to exploring if my partner/s are into stuff - generally I'm eager to please. Happy to discuss more on preferences in private message. Worth being up-front here, part of my journey of self-discovery has involved the occasional usage of various psychedelic drugs. These are a tool I greatly value and would prefer to continue using, though for the right person I will be open to stopping them if it would make them more comfortable - I hope for that not to be necessary though. Please note that I have no interest in having children - I have had a vasectomy to minimise the chance of this happening, and this isn't something I'd be looking to get reversed. Like anybody, I am still a work in progress, but I am aware of the areas I would like to develop in and am working towards those goals. Finally, as will I'm assuming be obvious by now from the length of this post (for the 5 of you who have bothered to read this far) and the way I write, I am almost certainly blessed with a touch of the 'tism (though am undiagnosed). This doesn't impact me very much tbh, but worth putting it down to be as open as possible.

Who (I hope) you are:

God the essay never stops does it... anyway, what I'm looking for. Aside from the aforementioned dynamic, I do not have many requirements when it comes to what I personally am looking for in a partner. I am straight, hence this post being directed at women, but I am open to trans women if there is mutual attraction. As I would prefer for all partners in this polycule to be able to love each other, it would be preferable if you are bisexual, because otherwise it just feels like me having two distinct girlfriends which defeats the point somewhat. Physically, I'm generally more attracted to women who are in decent shape, though I'm very aware that it would be rich of me to make this a strict requirement given I myself have a little extra fat to shed at the current time. Overall health and fitness is important to me though, so I would appreciate if you share similar ideals. Your skin colour, religion and height are not important to me (in so much as they aren't criteria for whether I'd be attracted to you, not that I don't care about you as a person). I would absolutely love if you enjoyed the same type of video games I do, but this isn't very important in the grand scheme of things. I would certainly prefer, though, if we had at least some shared hobbies so that we could bond over these. I would like for you to have at least some direction in your life, because it is a fundamental belief of mine that the ideal is for us all to be complete as people without a partner, and that any partners we have are just an addition to that. I don't mind whether that direction/ambition is professional (eg wanting to really excel in your career) or personal (eg improving the lives of those around you to the best of your ability), but having something there is important to me - and if it's something I would be able to help you with, even better. As previously mentioned, don't be a bigot please, we won't get on if you are. Financially, as previously mentioned I am pretty independent in this regard, but not to a great enough extent that I can cover others as well - please, for this reason, have at least some degree of financial stability. Obviously we're in a pretty brutal cost of living crisis right now and I'm not gonna be a dick if you sometimes struggle to make ends meet, but I'm not going to be in a position to pay your way too. As mentioned previously, I do not want kids of my own. I do not necessarily mind if you have kids already, but please be aware I wouldn't be looking to be a father to them if you do - it's just not something I think I'd be good at. Please be willing to be emotionally open and communicative, because issues with these elements have been things that I've struggled with with previous partners and do not desire to repeat - we can work on it together if this is an area of difficulty for you, but please at least be open to that. Finally, I'm not opposed to considering anyone with mental health difficulties, with the one exception of substance addictions: due to reasons I'm happy to get into in more detail in private, addictions can be a challenge for me to deal with having seen people in my past suffer through them, and I do not believe it would be good for my mental health to be in a relationship with someone with such a struggle.

Conclusion:

I think that'll just about do it for now. Sorry everyone for this being quite such a long block of text, and thank you very much to those who have read it all. I am more than open to discussing any and all parts of it, so please feel free to drop me a message. Chats are preferred to messages though I can work with either. I recognise that this post may attract a decent amount of bots or catfish so I would be looking for you to do some sort of verification before I exchange intimate details. And I guess all that's left to say is I look forward to hearing from you! If I get some responses, after chatting for a while I'd look to make a group chat with those who seem to be the best match, and we can proceed from there. If the post is still up, please feel free to reach out regardless of how old it is. Have a good day everyone, and Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!