Started this in a comment on another thread, but fuck it. I'm putting two sober hours in:

In the 'two days before the wedding scene, I was shocked by how weird Nurie's proportions are

Cackled at them CUTTING THEIR NAILS in a coffee shop

That was totally Sex Pest looking bored during prayers

They did pizza, bagged salad, and those cheap brownies for their rehearsal dinner, ok

Jill's editing skills are.......painful

The pregnant photographer at their maskless plague wedding...love this for her

Nurie is positively skeletal, wow. Her trying to force tears when thanking her parents for raising her and meeting her "physical needs"

Nathan speaks so much more smoothly than Nurie who can't go two words with saying "um"

Jill talking up Nurie's "gentle, sweet submission"

No one liked the Rodriguii speeches, what a stark comparison with David Waller's speech

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT PHOTO OF THE GROOMSMEN LEANING ON THE TREE

Love the creepshot of Hosanna's baby bump

Scared at the idea of letting a Rodrigues girl do my makeup

Having Nurie's hair over the veil is.......a choice

This editing is absolute chaos

Ma and Pa Keller couldn't have skulked down that aisle slower if they tried

We interrupt this wedding ceremony to bring you a full history of the bride and groom!

Some of these photos of Nurthan are absolute art. Nurie as a babushka lady????

Can Janessa walk?

That hall is absolutely empty, wow

Oh, Lydia Plath sighting!

Whoever is filming is literally standing in the middle of the aisle as Nurie walks down

I'll never get over them pronouncing her name nah-REE

WHOREMONGERS AND FORNICATORS IN THE FIRST SENTENCE OF THE WEDDING SERMON (also harem and defrauding like 5 minutes later lmao)

Love that anti-gay stuff is just so deeply woven into their everyday life that it's just completely normal to talk about the gays during a straight wedding

I think he's talking up arranged marriage ???

Oh boy, now we're talking about Nurie's quiver and how they can't be worldly and prevent pregnancy

David awkwardly praying over the couple, Ma and Pa Keller seem confused about whether they should be bowing their heads

Wow, that Hosanna song came out of NOWHERE. She and the dude (her husband?) are genuinely good

They really gathered the whole clan on stage in the middle of the ceremony to scream-sing a very out-of-tune How Thou Art with no discernible tempo.............

I'm only just over an hour in....how is this possible

The shocked, sparse clapping after How Great Thou Art was incredible, but we somehow haven't even hit the vows yet

Lotta headship talk and Nurie's best fundie phone sex operator voice in these vows

HERE IT COMES. THE MOST SEVERE RING EXCHANGE AND KISS OF ALL TIME.

Oh my god wait she's singing first, Nurie what the fuck, this is her own version of Loyalty Song ™️

Oh fuck yea, key change

Groomsmen looking absolutely catatonic at this point

Nathan looked so legitimately thrilled to have kissed Nurie, I burst out laughing

HAHAHAHAH THEY'RE PLAYING HALLELUJAH FROM HANDEL'S MESSIAH AS THEIR RECESSIONAL I AM CRYING

Pest is emceeing the reception and he literally cannot keep track of the Rodriguii

Oh, we went right from introductions into the neon purple cake cutting and Nathan smeared it all over Nurie's face...it was actually kind of cute

Lydia Plath caught the Easter-colored tulle bouquet

I'm honestly shocked by how much of a role Pest is playing...but I'm sure he wouldn't turn down an opportunity for attention

They just left the venue in a white Chrysler Pacifica...and there's somehow still half an hour left. Someone comments "This is their first time driving in a car without a chaperone!" and then there are lots of chaperone jokes echoing thru the crowd

Nathan literally squealed the tires leaving and appears to curb the car on the way out of the parking lot

Wait ok, there's a second reception???? to "sit down, eat a meal, and enjoy fellowship"????? And they're introducing the whole wedding party...still in the same clothes...again. I presume Nurie was deflowered in the Pacifica sometime between the last reception and the current reception

We then flash to Ma and Pa Keller's anniversary party which is a decidedly happier event than the wedding

Our first look at ANNA DUGGAR giving a speech about how thin the walls in their double wide were...............

God told Nathan to marry Nurie...and then he went hunting for Nurie's name in the Bible as proof

Nurie is now talking about how she knew she'd marry Nathan and to be completely honest, I cannot understand her fluffy bunny accent

Jill is crying her way thru the story now...I'm not even going to bother. It's clearly meant to be about her performance more than the story

Shrek is now crying. He called Pa Keller a "soul winner"

More fucking speeches. Jill is talking about Nurie's Last Supper. How God-honoring the wedding was even though we don't deserve nice things because we're sinners. Nurthan's mouths are lolling open at this point and they look to be truly so tired

A photo montage leads us back to the Pacifica where Nurthan disappear for a final time. The ever-present piano cover of Elvis Presley's I Can't Help Falling in Love With You fades out. It has been an unhinged, unmitigated pleasure.

FIN

Also editing to include my favorite screen grabs