sorry if this isn't the sort of posts allowed, but i see other people mention it and i fear it's true for me too. at first i would look at this subreddit in a sort of morbid curiousity, it was interesting to me but scared me too. then it turned to interest, and now i struggle to go a week or so between visiting it, if not nearly every day. i check to see what's new, in a way it's helped me keep up with some political stuff happening around the world too..

but it's unlocked a desire in me that i don't fully understand. i love the fight between feminism and the patriarchy, and i want to experience that but more. i want to have a relationship with a guy that will convert me into the girl he wants, and will get more and more forceful about it. i want to be with a guy that's bigger and stronger (and has wayyy more stamina than i can handle) than me that isn't afraid to force me to realize my role as a woman. force me to realize i'm supposed to stay at home, that my body belongs to him first.

i don't want it to be a quick "he impregnates me and leaves" sort of thing though, that's hot in theory but it isn't the same. i want him to "break" the feminism out of me and me not realize it until it's too late. i want to wake up one day and realize that even if i tried i wouldn't be able to leave him easily. i want him to tell me that he can't hold back and that he'll never stop himself from "showing me how much he loves fucking me". him guiding me into being a fuckdoll housewife, that's understanding just enough that i'd trust him over others even if he's waking me up by pounding my dry ass ><

it'd be super toxic, but part of that i wonder is just the impacts of extreme individualism and hyperindependence that feminism taught me? from here i've been realizing that there's a lot of gender differences that are real, and that men and women very much do have different sexual needs...

it's so confusing...