I've always felt like I've had to guard it like a big secret. I was never a bad looking guy, I think I've generally been more of an ok looking guy with a major self esteem issue. Maybe 7 to 7.5 in terms of looks when I was younger, prob more like a 6 now. But sometimes you make friends with a girl, someone you wouldn't mind dating, and sometimes in an honest conversation you want to tell her what you're going through. What I always hated was it felt like I had to make a choice. Tell her about this thing you're struggling with that to you is like the elephant in the room, or try to be aloof and not bring it up just in case she might still think I'm dating material. I'd usually decide to talk about these problems only if/when I knew the girl was someone I didn't like or off the market/in a relationship. Of course if she becomes single later on I'd end up regretting that a few times.

OR you're in a room full of mixed company like at a party and some close guy friend knows your issue, and he very publicly makes some joke or comment vaguely referencing your issue, basically outing you to the crowd. Now you're wondering if every girl in the room who heard that joke and realized what it implied has just eliminated you from their possible dating pool in their minds. Thanks a lot, buddy. BTW this happened to me on more than one occasion with more than one close friend. Like do they really not realize they're doing you harm?

My struggles with dating always felt so important to me that I often felt a strong urge to talk to people about once I felt I could confide in them. So I'd often have to fight myself to hold back discussing that. Which would make it more awkward talking with people who were very open about their sex lives as sort of a flex, and I wanted to be able to do that but couldn't. But I at least wanted to participate in the discussion. Of course I would until someone would start asking me about how many girls I bagged and then I had to figure out how to duck the question or whether I wanted to come clean with them and risk ridicule or disrespect. At least if there's one thing #metoo did that helped me, it's that guys now seem far less judgmental about that sort of thing than they used to be and ask far fewer probing questions about it. Most of the stuff I'm talking about happened in the 2000s-early 2010s when it was a different code among guys then, but to a lesser extent can still be a concern.